Violated
by MYBIGBLUEBOX
Summary: Sara is raped, violently raped and Grissom is there to offer her the comfort she needs. Take note of the rating please. Bad language, rape subject and violence through out. Rating is MA really because of violent rape scenes and the content!
1. Chapter 1

Violated

Title: Violated

Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX

Series: C.S.I

Rating: T

Genre: angst/comfort

Spoilers: none

Characters: Gil Grissom, Sara Sidle and Catherine Willows

Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer.

Summary: Sara is raped, violently raped and Grissom is there to offer her the comfort she needs. Take note of the rating please. Bad language, rape subject and violence through out.

Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.

Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.

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Rape, one of the ugliest words in the English language as far as Sara Sidle was concerned. The definition according to the dictionary was assault sexually; ravish or an act of raping, but to those victims it means so much more than that. Fear, pain, shame, violation only a few words that can be used to describe how the victim felt. Sara Sidle was a victim, and she hated it. All she could do was cry endless tears wanting someone to hold her safe. The team would be here any second to 'process' her. She looked terrible, she knew that but truth be told she didn't care any more. Everything that was Sara Sidle had been taken from her by a strange man that smelt of cigarettes and bad aftershave. Life had a harsh way of taking away your sense of self. She felt lost inside her own skin, inside her own mind.

Crime scene tape covered Sara's front door. It was like something out of a horror movie for Gil Grissom. Police officers at her door, blood trailing across the floor and condoms dropped just outside her bedroom. His heart ached for her. As he and Catherine entered her trashed apartment each C.S.I. gasped. The place was a mess. Blood and semen littered the cream carpet, the sofa was slashed, pictures ripped from the walls. It was safe to say that violence played a huge part in this rape. As the two investigators made their way to Sara's bedroom, they saw the two female officers, pleading with Sara to open the door. Grissom wanted nothing more than to break it down himself, but as usual protocol won him over. Catherine placed her head on the wood of the door, sighing when she heard the quiet sobs through the thick panelling. She turned to the officers,

'Give us a minuet will ya?' Sara was a proud woman, she'd never forgive her or Grissom for that matter if her privacy was stolen from her. Rapping lightly on the door Catherine called to her friend.

'Sara? Sara honey come on open the door for us. It's only Catherine out here now darling no one here is gonna hurt you.' With her ear still pressed to the door Catherine could hear the sobs get louder, sounding like she was terrified out of her mind. Knowing that she was getting no were she pulled away from the door and went in search of Grissom.

She found him sitting on the front steps leading up to the apartment building. Not the cleanest place in the world to sit, but to be honest Grissom didn't really look like he cared. Catherine had never seen him loose his self control like this before. He stared into space, thinking. She had know for ages that Grissom and Sara cared about each other, but in all the years she'd known him she hadn't pegged Grissom for the type of guy who would just sit there doing nothing. Sara needed him and she sure as hell wasn't going to let Grissom let her down again. If he was the only one who could get into her room then in he would go.

'Grissom...GRISSOM!' she knelt in front of her dazed friend and took a firm hold on his shoulders. He looked up at her a glazed look in his eyes, like he wasn't really focusing on her.

'Griss' Catherine spoke a little softer this time, seeing her best friend fall apart like this made her heart wrench. 'None of us can get her to open the door. We need you to go in there and try to get in. She'll let you in, you know she will, she trust you. You need to do this for her.' Catherine took his hands and pulled him to his feet.

'Come on, let's get you in there.' The two walked slowly up the steps to Sara's apartment and the private hell that she had endured.

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A few minuets later, Gil Grissom was standing in front of Sara's bedroom door. Catherine gave him one last fleeting glance before she left the apartment. She hoped that for both their sakes that Sara would let him in, just his once.

He knocked, harder than he wanted, it was funny how now that it really mattered he was loosing all control of his emotions. Everything he did seemed wrong to him. When he got no answer to his questioning at the door, he spoke.

'Sara? It's Grissom, c-can i come in?' He put his ear to the door, trying desperately to hear some sign of recognition. He heard footsteps coming cautiously to the door, he heard her hesitate before unlocking all the bolts and chains. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven bolts and locks, God Sara, what the hell happened to you? Thoughts and flashes of violence rushed through his head. The door opened a crack to reveal a dark room, no lights had been turned on, but the mess was still visible. Sara was already backing away from the door, falling back onto her bed, holding her head in her hands like it might break. Grissom closed the door softly behind him, his eyes still on Sara. She was on the verge of breaking down completely. Grissom took a quick look around what he could see of the room, it obviously had received the worst of the attacker's rage. He stopped in front of Sara and crouched in front of her face. He stretched out his hands to her, wanting to hold her make her all right again. He wanted so badly to touch her, but he couldn't bring himself to do it, what if she rejected him? What if she couldn't stand to be touched like so many of the rape victims he'd seen over the years. His hands hovered over hers as if asking for permission. She raised a tear streaked face to meet his eyes. He felt his heart rip in two at the pain and fear they held. Suddenly she grabbed his hands and threw them around her shoulders, burying her head deep into his. His arms went carefully around her, midfull of the many bruises and cut that littered her body. Her arms crushed her small body into his chest, almost choking him with the force of the hug. Tears fell onto the skin of his neck as she wept uncontrollably into his shoulder, practically screaming with the pain she held inside. He held her as tightly as possible, glancing around what was now more visible through tear filled eyes. It hurt him so much to see her like this, a woman usually so strong and confidant in herself drained of every piece of that she ever had. Huge bloodstains covered the bed sheets, probably stained through to the mattress. Bite marks on the headboard, probably Sara's. Her ripped clothes hung off her, showing of every little scratch he put on her. Rage filled him almost to overflowing, he would find this monster and bring him to justice and not necessarily in court. She was an inconsolable mess in his arms, falling off the bed more and more with each passing second. On impulse he swept her up into his arms and sat on her bed, cradling her like a child. She fit into his lap like she had been made for him. Her arms snaked around his neck, still crying like she would never stop. God only knows what she was thinking.

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_Sara's POV_

What if he lets me go? What am I going to do without him? He's here now that's all that matters right? No, no that's not all that matters. I need him here; I need him to help me deal with this. I feel so violated, so defiled like he's taken me, my soul. I need someone to touch me, to let me know that I can still feel that I'm not dead to the world. Even if I'm not I feel that way, like I'm living my life from a distance, like I don't belong to my body anymore. I hurt everywhere, physical and emotional pain screams through my whole body. I want my security back, I want to feel like I'm in control again, that damn bastard took everything from me, and I want it back. I can't stop crying, like all the years I've kept my emotions, my hurt to myself are finally being allowed to air. Sitting in Grissom's lap like this makes my head spin, but it makes me hurt at the same time, because I know that for him this is only friendship, he doesn't want anything more, and right now I want more from him. I want to love him and I want him to love me back. I want him to give me back my security. He is my life now, I don't intend on loosing that.

After what seems like ten years Grissom pulls back ever so slightly, I raise my head fear flooding back through me at the thought of loosing the physical contact that he's given me. I don't want to be left alone, what if he comes back? Grissom takes my chin, looking into my eyes, I'm shaking with fear.

'It's o.k. I'm not going anywhere honey, it's o.k.' He whispers the words so quietly, I'm comforted by them, but I still shake. I clutch at his shirt, not willing to loosen my grip on him.

'I swear Sara I'm not leaving you here alone o.k.? Trust me. Now though I need you to take to me. I need you to tell me what happened to you.' I stare at him, the fear intensifying, clutching at my throat. He wants to know what happened, how am I supposed to tell him? When we both know the man who did it.

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O.k. So here's the next piece I quiet like this one. Please let em know if a new chapter is in order and I'll get right on it for you. Review my work please, every review matters. Enjoy.


	2. Chapter 2

My Rapist 

Title: My Rapist

Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX

Series: C.S.I

Rating: M

Genre: angst/comfort

Spoilers: none

Characters: Gil Grissom, Sara Sidle and Catherine Willows

Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer.

Summary:After her rape Sara is taken to be processed, she needs Grissom there with her. Take note of the rating please. Bad language, rape subject and violence through out.

Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.

Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.

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He looked into her eyes, searing her through. He wanted a name, a name that would ruin a career and maybe even theirs. How was she supposed to tell him, that a man she saw every day at the lab was responsible. He'd be straight down there, beating him senseless for her, she didn't want violence, no more violence. There had already been too much of that for one day. The image of her attackers face made her head swim and screaming sobs force their way up her throat like bile. He'd been so threatening, he always had been intimidating at work, but she would never have believed that he would go this far. Sure he'd suggested a few things, but she'd still never had pegged him for a rapist. That's why she had let him in, she'd trusted him, she was stupid. Never let anyone in, that was the golden rule, throughout her adult life and most of her childhood she had isolated herself, closeness meant pain, anyone who can get close enough to touch you can hurt you. Her father had taught her that. She just wanted love and he'd offered it on a plate. Still reeling from Grissom's denial she'd taken him up in his offer of a drink at her place. When he'd got heavy she'd told him no, it was too soon. He didn't listen, the stubborn bastard never had done, Grissom, Catherine he'd gone over their heads whenever they went against him. The only ass he kissed was the D.A's. He'd been all over her, she wanted a shower, she needed to get him off! She was aware of Grissom talking to her, still in that same gentle lulling voice.

'Sara, come on please, please just give me a name. We can go through details later. You know that we can pull this guy in now. You can stop him from hurting anyone else. You want to protect the world Sara, I know you do, so protect the world this way, for them Sara, for every other woman out there. Just a name that's all I need. I swear to you I won't let him hurt you again.' She looked up staring at him, her chapped and split lips part to speak, she speaks so slowly and carefully as if trying out her voice for the first time in years.

'I don't want anyone else to get hurt Grissom. I don't want to loose you. I don't want you to get hurt.'

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I stiffened at her words. Had he threatened me? Why would he do that? I shook off my thoughts and turned my attention back to Sara.

'I need you to giver me a name sweetheart. I can't protect myself if I don't know who to protect myself against. Sara, I'll be o.k. If you tell me who did this to you.' I don't know how but I'd managed to frame her face in my hands, I don't remember even moving. I want to help her so much, but I need that name, I need to know who did this to her, my Sara. Now where did that come from?

'Conrad Ecklie' Sara mumbled under her breath. I think I stopped breathing.

'What?' I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. Not Conrad, I know he's a self centered bastard but there has got to be no way in hell that he would do this. I look up at her and I know that he did it. That man if I can call him that did this to Sara, the look on her face in her eyes in even in the way she shakes when she said his name is all the proof I need.

'O.k. Sara. That's all I needed thank you.' I take hold of her hand and stand up coaxing her up off the bed with me. She puts her arms around my waist and cuddles herself into my side. I love feeling her this close, but the sweetness of the embrace is tarnished beyond saving by Conrad. We walk towards the door, I'm striding with a new rage filling me with every step and Sara is leaning against my side barely walking. It's so surreal. I wrench open the door, to face the two startled officers still outside Sara's door. I can't help but shout at them.

'I want Conrad Ecklie in custody when I get back to the lab.' Sara rounds on me, fear flashing through her already troubled eyes. She grabs my shirt with a new found strength, shaking me hard.

'What are you trying to do Grissom!' She's screaming at me, screaming and sobbing beyond all control. It rips my soul in two. I hold her upper arms steadying her, holding her up, letting her scream herself out, letting her get it all out.

'I can't loose you Grissom. I've already lost myself I can't loose you too I can't. You bastard don't let me loose you too. He'll kill you. H-he'll kill you.' She was pummeling my chest, screaming, sobbing with fear for me. I still can't believe this is happening. Her fists slow to a stop and she falls into my chest, letting me hold her like I want to. Now she'd given me a name I could take her to the hospital. I swept her up in my arms, she can't have weighed more than a 12 year old child. She buried her head in my neck as I cautiously made my way out of the apartment to my Tahoe.

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I must have fallen asleep in Grissom's car. I awoke in a cold sweat, more tears staining my cheeks. Smells and flashes of memories I'd rather forget haunted my dreams, as if it's not enough that I went through this hell in the first place. I know where we're going to the hospital, I've always hated them. The smell, the people everything about them scares the hell out of me. To be honest though I'd rather be there than at home waiting for Ecklie to show up again. At least there I'll be safe, I hope. I sneak a look at Grissom he looks terrible, I think he looks as bad as I feel. I can't help but think that maybe I've done this to him, all the stress he's under is because of me. If I was only a stronger person neither of us would be in this situation. God I'm so tired. I just want to sleep, I just want this to be over.

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Keeping my temper now has got to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Watching Sara sleeping fitfully in my passenger seat knowing she's dreaming of him and I can't do anything for her. As we pull up in front of the A and E she woke up, scaring the hell out of me when she sat bolt up right in her seat, breathing heavily. I couldn't just sit there.

'Hey, hey it's o.k. Just gotta get you checked out. Come on.' Before I even knew what I was doing I was at her side pulling her to her feet. I didn't want to start carrying her again unless she couldn't walk. She's such a strong woman i wouldn't dream of trying to make her weaker than she really is, I wouldn't dare try.

We got her logged in and found a cubicle. I sat with her, holding her hand in silence. She drifted in and out of sleep, she must be so tired.

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High heels clicked down the hall and stopped just outside the drawn curtain that was cubical number four. Catherine Willows took a deep breath and tightened her grip on her rape kit. This wasn't going to be an easy night. Pulling the curtain aside, Catherine's eyes filled with tears at what she saw. Gil's head was laying across Sara's lap, fast asleep, so was Sara, still fitfully dreaming of the worst day of her life. She walked over to Gil crouching down in front of his sleeping form in the chair, pausing a moment before gently shaking his shoulder.

'Hey Gil, come on wake up.' He stirred, mumbling in his half awake state.

'Cath?'

'Hey there. Gil, I need to process the erm victim. I'm sorry. Y-you can come straight back in when I'm done. I promise.' He just sat there for a moment, watching Sara breath in and out, before standing and making for the curtain. As he reached it he stopped, turned and looked Catherine in the eye.

'Be gentle with her.'

'You know I will.' She reassured him, smiling slightly. He smiled back, that tired smile he always saved for those cases that got to him. He turned and left waking Sara with the sounds of his footstep on the hard, concrete floor.

'Hey Sara. You know why I'm here don't you honey? It'll only take a minuet I promise, then I'll get Grissom back in for you o.k? It's o.k. Sara it'll all be over soon.' Catherine's words comforted her but Sara couldn't stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks.

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I never thought I'd be processing Sara. I always thought she was too strong to let something like this happen to her. Now I'm looking at her I realize that this can happen to the strongest of people. I get out my kit, and ask her to strip down for the photographs of her assault. I can see in her eyes how much she's hurting, I know now why Grissom is so protective of her. I don't get on with her as well as I should but I want to comfort her now. This is going to rip the team apart especially when I tell them who did this. I can't say I'm to thrilled about taking this case but Griss wanted the time off, to be honest who can blame him. I may not be happy, but I'm damn well going to solve this damn case for the both of them.

O.k. I've taken nail scrapes, clothes, swabbed her cuts and taken her D.N.A. That's everything. I gotta go get all this stuff back to the lab. God she looks like a mess, totally disheveled.

'Hang in there girl o.k?' I say patting her arm in what I hope is an encouraging and supportive way. She doesn't even respond to my touch. I feel like I've taken the last part of herself she had left away from her. What choice did I have? I leave her, almost running straight into Grissom who is still poised outside the curtain.

'You better get in there Gil if she didn't have you there I think she'd break down.' I give him a smile, knowing he needs a little support himself.

'You call me if either of you need anything o.k? Me and the guys will get this sorted. You two take all the time you need.' I hope I said the right thing. Jesus this is so hard.

'Thanks Cath. This means a lot, to both of us.' I reach out a hug him hard, kissing him lightly on the cheek.

'You take care now, give Sara my love.' I practically run down the hall back to my Tahoe. I want to get this evidence processed as quick as I can. For both their sakes.

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We're going to my apartment. There's no way she's going back to hers, not the way it is right now. I doubt the teams finished processing anyway. She refused the sleeping pills they offered her at the hospital, but took the abortion pills. I hadn't even thought of that, to say it hit home is not even close to the way I feel. I told Catherine to keep me posted on the case hopefully she'll come up with something soon.

I had to carry her in, she doesn't seem interested in anything after Cath processed her. This is a nightmare. I put her medication on my kitchen counter. I know she didn't want it but the doctor's insisted I take it. She won't take it but it got those doctors off my back. I lay her on the sofa not to sure where else to put her, I smoothed her hair out of her face, just as my cell phone rang. It was Catherine.

_'Griss? We got a hit off the semen that we found on Sara's pants.' _Moment of truth as they say. Now we'll know if it was really Ecklie. If it was I hope for his sakes I'm not there when they bring him in.

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O.k. This one is getting a lot of my attention. I hope all of you that reviewed my 1st chapter will be satisfied with this one. I tried to make it as good as the last. Please review.


	3. Chapter 3

Between Stories

Title: Between Stories

Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX

Series: C.S.I.

Rating: M

Genre: angst/comfort

Spoilers: none

Characters: Gil Grissom and Sara Sidle

Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer.

Summary: Sara goes into the lab to give her statement. How will Ecklie react to being brought in? Take note of the rating please. Bad language, rape subject and violence through out.

Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.

Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.

Note: I wasn't sure of Sara's age so I guessed 35. Sorry if thats wrong. Also I'd like to thank Veronica10 for reminding me to add more detail as to how Sara was subdued by Ecklie. I forgot that Sara did empty hand combat, and figersnap for giving me the flashback idea.

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_'Griss? You still there?' _

'Erm, yeah sorry Cath, what'd you get?' All sorts of emotions ran riot through my heart, until I think it stopped. I couldn't seem to breath, my chest tight. I wanted this over, but I knew it was far from finished. As I looked over at Sara. I couldn't believe anyone would want to hurt her.

_'It was Ecklie.We got him.' _Something between relife and rage flooded through my veins. When I see that bastard I'm going to kill him.

'Thanks Cath. Tell Brass she's ready to give her statement.'

_'Will do. See you in 10 o.k?' _With that she hung up the phone leaving me to my own thoughts. Sara was mumering in her sleep again. She looked so vunerable, even more so with the bruises and the way she curled herslef into a ball when she slept like a five year old. I hated to wake her, but the sooner we got the hardest bit over and done with the better.

'Sara? Wake up Sar.' Her eyes shot open at my touch, grabbing my hand with a super human strength, her eyes wary and filled with fear. I took her hand in mine properly.

'Hey it's only me. We got to get down to the station honey. You gotta give a statement.' She gripped my hand tighter in hers, pulling it to her.

'Don't leave me alone.' She whisperd it so quietly I barely heard her, her eyes told me all I needed to know.

'I won't honey I swear.' I'd already promised this to her already she must feel so insecure, God she does't deserve this. She smiled gently at me through her split lips. I smiled back but inside I was tearing myself apart. My poor Sara. There we go with the MY again. Shaking off all my thoughts, I pull her to her feet.

'You all set? Do you want breakfast before we go?' She shook her head, hiding her face in a cloud of her hair. Her hand is still clasped in mine, safe.

'O.k, then, lets go.'

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Breakfast? If I eat I risk throwing up when I see HIM. I don't need anymore embarresment right now. I'm so nervous, I know Grissom can tell. He amazes me sometimes, the way he knows exactly what I need, or what I'm thinking. I wish now that I hadn't broken things off back in Sanfransico. I need him. I'm so scared, what if I see him at the lab? I don't think I can do this.

We pull up to the lab car park. I'm shaking, terified to leave the Tahoe. I hear Grissom get out his side of the car and open my door. I can't seem to move my head, frozen to my seat. Until I feel Grissom take my hand. I look at him, my heart filling up with fear. He crouches down in front of me.

'Sar, come on sweetheart you can do this. I'm going to be there with you. It'll be o.k. I promise.' He comforted me so well, I was still afraid but with him there I could do anything. I pulled myself out of the Tahoe and let Grissom lead me into the lab.

Everyone was wating for me. Greg, always the first one to leap head long into an awkward situation, jumped up to hug me as I came in the door. I backed away from him, hands raised in a defensive position. He shrunk back, looking like he was about to burst into tears. I can't believe I just did that. What the hell has Ecklie turned me into? I walked towards Greg and held out my arms to him, he launched forward suffocating me in a bear hug. I pulled back from him, smiling gently through my still sore mouth, before moving to great the rest of the team. Nick looked at me, tears in his eyes, taking hold of my upper arms he looked me over.

'My God darlin' what the hell'd he do to you?' I pulled him close, trying to let him know it was o.k. I was going to be o.k, I hoped. Nick was crying gently on my shoulder, I turned my face into his neck, I don't want him to be sad for me. I pulled away and took his face in my hands. I wipped away his tears away and moved over to Catherine.

'How you holdin' up?' I nodded, unable to talk. My throat still burned from screaming the whole night through. Cath hugged me and kissed me before motioning to Warick to take his turn as she ran from the room, her hand covering her mouth. Warrick moved over to me, giving me that tired smile. He put a hand on my cheek, minding my large purple bruise that was more painful than ever.

'Hey girl.' It's so hard keeping my control I want to cry so badly. There all being so careful with me, like I'm made of glass. I want to be held, not kept at arms length. I start to shake all over again, Warrick pulls me into another hug. I rest my head on his chest, drawing comfort from my friend. He pulls away gently and passes me back over into Grissom's wating arms. I cuddle him close, putting my head in the crook of his neck, hiding my face. I hear whisperd voice all around me, I don't care anymore, something about me has been lost. Grissom's strong arms around my waist and shoulders are my only hold on sanity now. We're moving out of the room, down the corridor to the interrogation room.

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Grissom's holding my hand under the table. Brass sits across from me. As he embraced me when I entered the room, I felt his anger, and I know Ecklie is here somewhere.

'So Sara, you gonna tell us what happened on Friday 27th?' I look over at Grissom asking his permisson for some reason. I feel like I've lost controll of my body and mind. Grissom makes my decisions now. He nods at me, squeazing my hand telling me it's o.k to talk. So I talk, in my minds eye I see it all. Everything else, Grissom, Brass dims into blackness. It's just me and my memories now.

I was so tired after shift, yawning to myself as I unlocked my front door. I ditched my coat on the sofa and put my kit by the door, ready in case I got called out again that night. I changed into my old teddy bear p.j's. I thought to myself: Sara Sidle, 35 years old and wearing bear p.j's. I laughed at myself and put a microwave meal on. I hadn't turned on any lighs, the only way I could see was with the soft glow of the T.V. I can't remeber what was on. I was eating on the couch, flicking channels when someone knocked on my door. I swore, no one was supposed to come around today, I was too tired to entertain. All the neighbours where on holiday now the schools where out. I opened the door a crack, Ecklie? What the fuck? Oh yeah he'd invited himself round. I usherd him in, him and his inviting bottle of wine. I went to fetch two glasses and an opener. I could feel his eyes on me, then his hands on my waist. I tensed up , putting the glasses back down on the counter.

'Ecklie, erm what are you doin'?' I began to get ready to fight him off. I ran my hand along the counter top for the knife I kept there. Just as my finger tips grazed the hilt, the but of his gun was rammed into my temple. Fear raced through my veins. The pressure of the gun seemed to overtake me. I wanted to scream but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. His arm wrapped around both of mine, paralyzing me. He began to pull me away to my room. I struggled, crying out, I needed to get him off me, I got one arm free and grabbed the knife slicing the top of Ecklie's arm. I felt the warm blood flow down the front of my p.j's. He clasped his arm letting me go, I ran. I ran down the corridor, scrabbling around in the dark for my gun. I heard crashing, glass breaking, chairs hitting the wall. I began to cry, alone in the dark with a madman. My fingers touched my gun barrell, I ripped it from the draw, with shaking hands I fumbled with the safety. Too late. Ecklie crashed through my door, smashing lamps and mirrors on his way over to me. I screamed and raised the gun to his head hoping it would scare him off. He swung the gun barrell and plowed it into my temple. I felt the ground hit me. Blackness swam in front of my eyes, looking so invting, but I had to fight him off. I heard duct tape rip, I wanted to get away but I felt so weak. Terror filled me, I sobbed loudly and uncontrollably, begging him to stop loosing all my self controll. I wanted someone, anyone to come through my front door and save me, anyone. No one came, he kept on and on beating and beating, screaming in my ears till they rang. He tapped my wrists and ankles while I was still half dead from the blow to my head. He imobalised me, I was helpless in his power. I passed out, he brought me round again and again. He raped me, three times. I felt blood pouring from every hole in my body. I could feel the glass inbedded in my back move, slicing more skin, crunching under me. He picked me up when he was done, I didn't have the strength to fight him off, not physicaly or mentaly. I just lay limp in his arms, he tossed me on the bed like garbage and gave me one last kick for good measure. I caught a glimps of the 'shots' I'd got in, especially the dislocated shoulder and felt a mad sort of glee. I passed out for good that time and nothing was going to bring me round. He just didn't stop. I wanted him to stop, he just didn't stop.

I sobbed into Grissom's chest, on the floor on the interrogation room. Brass looked down on us, tears filling his eyes. Until something caught his eye and his usualy placid face turned dark. I felt Grissom raise his head, I looked up to see Ecklie being escorted pass the window. Fear shot through every nerve in my body, I had to get away I just had to, I flew across the room, crawling into a corner, sobbing into my knees mashed into my chest, if he came near me I knew he'd hurt me, I knew it. No more, no more. Everything went black.

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I couldn't stand to see her like this another moment, after Jim and I got her into the break room I told him to sit with her. He called after me not to do anyhing I'd regret later, no chance of that. There he was sitting in his office, the smug bastard was telling the officers he'd be out of here soon. Rage filled me, there was no way I was going to let this pass, he'd hurt Sara, he'd pay the conciquences. He looked up and saw me in the door way. He smiled at me, that damn patronising smile I've always wanted to wipe of his ugly face, God damn son of a bitch.

'Grissom. How's Sara doing? I heard she had a bit of trouble tonight. Give her ALL my love.' I could see his dislocated shoulder from where I stood. In my mind there wasn't a shadow of a doubt that he'd done it. I flew into the office and clapped him hard on his shoulder, squeezing as hard as I could. Pleased with the pained expression I brought to his face I relased him, only to throw him against the wall.

'Now Grissom. You don't want to do anything to jeprodise your carrer now do you?' He thought he knew it all. Well he'd got it wrong, the carrer was no longer number one priority in Gil Grissom's life. Sara Sidle had his heart, all of it now and always. Before I could reason with myself I sunk my fist into Ecklie's stomach and backed off letting him slump to the floor, groaning with pain.

'Y-you officers saw that! He assulted me!' He screamed. The officers looked at Ecklie, me and each other.

'We didn't see any assult.' One said the other nodded his head in conframtion. Ecklie gaped in rage. I smirked, God it felt good to finaly hit that bastard. I nodded appreciativly at the officers. As I passed them one stopped me.

'Let us know how Miss Sidle is doing will ya?' I smiled and nodded at him, it was the least I could do. Now I had to get Sara home.

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'What'd you do Grissom?' Brass looked so worried.

'Nothing I shouldn't have done a long time ago.' I answered, picking Sara up craddling her to my chest. She needed to get some sleep.

'I'm taking her back to mine Jim if you need us. Thanks for everyhting.'

'No problem Gil. We'll get the bastard, I swear to God he'll go down.' He gave Sara an affectionet look before heading off down the corridor, saying he was going to have a 'talk' with Ecklie.

As I put Sara down gently in the passenger seat of the Tahoe. I realised that the worst was yet to come. Should she stay in my bed tonight? Bring on the nightmares.

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O.k. I don't think this story is anywere near finished but if you think it's best left there let me know. I hope you like this. I know Sara sleeps a lot in these first few chapters but I think in that situation then your body would react that way. Please review me! I would like to get at least 25 reviews by the end of this chapte, more would be fantastic!


	4. Chapter 4

_Case Files of Our Lives_

Title: Case Files of Our Lives

Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX

Series: C.S.I

Rating: T

Genre: angst/comfort

Spoilers: none

Characters: Gil Grissom and Sara Sidle

Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer. Also a bit of the song, Do you believe in love is used. This belongs to Craig David and Windswept Music Ltd.

Summary: Gil and Sara talk about their pasts, Sara has nightmares. Take note of the rating please. Bad language, rape subject and violence through out.

Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.

Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.

NOTE: Thank you fed-up-reader for your review about my spelling. I have double checked my work for mistakes. I was quiet hurt by the harsh comments you put in your review. I try to make my work as good as possible, but I don't think you needed to be quiet so nasty. I don't mind criticism but I DO mind pointlessly nasty reviews. Thank you for taking the time to review and read my piece.

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I awoke to Craig David's Do You Believe In Love playing on the radio in the kitchen of Grissom's apartment. How the hell'd I get here? Last thing I remember is Ecklie's face. I shudder involuntarily, not the nicest thing to remember. I strained my ears to hear to quite verses of the song. Is that Grissom? SINGING!...It is!

'_Just one day,_

_If I could hold you in my arms,_

_Close to my heart where you belong,_

_Love of my life you really are,_

_Still be showering you with kisses like snow in winter...'_

All I could do is listen . Dare I believe he's singing about me? If he was I think I would be the happiest woman alive, despite all that's happened. He's actually quite good. If he was singing about me what would that mean for us? It would be a dream come true, if I could have him back again. He's coming down the corridor . If he sees I'm awake he might stop. I don't want him to stop, fro this moment I can pretend he's singing to me.

'_Just one day, _

_If I could touch your face again,_

_Words can't describe how I'm feeling,_

_If I could turn back the hands of time,_

_I'd still be holding on wishes that you left behind.'_

He's leaning against the door jam to his own bedroom, arms folded against his chest. Watching me breath, laying in his bed. My heart racing, making me feel light, but I'm not afraid. How could I be afraid of Grissom? I turn over and face him, showing him that I'm awake and listening. He falters at first unsure if he should keep singing or not.

_'Remember moments when there was nothing better than,_

_A stroll in the park walking hand in hand,_

_I'll never forget the times we talked about me and you,_

_The things we do, together, forever.' _

'You hungry?' Am I! I realise that I haven't eaten in about a day and I'm starving. I nod at him shyly. I'm still very quiet and reluctant to speak, I don't really know why. Maybe I don't want to talk about what happened, by keeping my mouth closed nothing will slip out., igniting conversation. I feel like I'm seven years old again.

I crawl out of bed and follow Grissom into his beautiful kitchen. It's five pm, I can't believe I slept that long, I suppose I'm still a little drugged up with what they gave me for the pain at the hospital. We gather up our plates of green salad, (I guess Griss remembered I'm a vegetarian after all) and make ourselves comfortable on the couch. There's a forensic show on, we eat in a comfortable silence, commenting now and then on our pet suspects liability. I didn't realise until it was too late that I was snuggled under Grissom's arm, that was flung over my shoulder. He didn't make any move to get away from this incredibly domestic position so I shrugged mentally and settled back to enjoy the comfort he gave me.

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Two hours later I yawned deeply. I didn't want to move from under Grissom's protective body but I needed a shower and some sleep. I know full well that my sleep will be full of nightmares but I can't help that, I've dealt with them since I was a child, I'll deal with them now. I gently eased myself out from under Grissom and made my way down the hall to the bathroom.

'Hey, where are you going?' Grissom called after me, I could almost hear the pout in his voice, making me smile.

'Shower and then bed if that's o.k. with you.' I heard him move off the couch and into his room, I leaned against the door waiting for what ever he was bringing me. He returned with fresh towels and his bath robe. I forgot I didn't have a change of clothes.

'Thanks Griss, I don't think I've thanked you once today for what you've done for me. I really appreciate it.' We stood close to each other, taking a minuet to revel in the scent of each other. He reaches up and for one breath taking second I thought he was leaning in to kiss me, he pulled away at the last minuet to squeeze me hand.

'You know I don't mind looking after you. Go have your shower, I'll make a bed up for you.'

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It felt so good to be clean at last, I was finally out of Ecklie's clutches. His marks still covered my body. I touched the raw skin puckered with the ugly black thread of stitching. There didn't seem to be an inch of her body that hadn't been damaged in some way. It made her shudder every time she touched a mark. Exiting the bathroom I made my way to the couch, expecting Grissom to have gone to bed a while ago. I was surprised to see him curled up asleep on the couch, I tiptoed over to him and placed a light kiss to his forehead, I would never have got as far as I have without him, it's only been one day. I pad off down the hall to the bedroom.

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Dull screams echoed down the corridor and hit my ear drums bringing me out of a deep sleep. I knew this would happen, but I can't blame her. I throw off the blanket that is suffocating me as fast as I can and pelt down the hall. I pause in the doorway, frozen where I stand. She's screaming, sobbing curled in a tight ball, fists flying fighting of what to me appeared to be the air, but to her she was fighting of Ecklie.

I made my way over to the side of the bed and take her hands in mine, kissing the palms.

'Sara? Sar? Come on wake up honey.' Her eyes snapped open, frightened and unfocused. More tears fall down her already and soaked face. God this is like hell for both of us. I take her in my arms and let her cry into my shoulder for what seems like the hundredth time in the past twenty four hours. Running my hand through her hair I mutter what I hope to be soothing nonsense into her ear.

'It's o.k. it's o.k. sweetheart, it's just a dream, it's o.k. Your safe here.' It seems like hours before she calms downs enough to let me fetch her a drink. She sips in the dim light the bed side lamp gives. I can just make out the shine of her beautiful hair. Still wrapped in my bathrobe she cuddles against my side. I'm not going to leave her alone tonight, sod the damn rules. I want to be there when she wakes up. I put my arm around her delicate shoulders, settling back against the headboard. I play with a strand of her silky hair.

'Griss? Tell me about your family. I want to know about you, about them.' I sat in silence for a moment unsure where to start. Suddenly I knew.

'You wanna know about me? Well I suppose I best start with Alice.' So begins the case file of our lives.

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O.k. so I have checked and re-checked my spelling. I hope you enjoy this new chapter. Please review.


	5. Chapter 5

Past and Present

Title: Past and Present

Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX

Series: C.S.I

Rating: T

Genre: angst/comfort

Spoilers: none

Characters: Gil Grissom, Sara Sidle and Conrad Ecklie

Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer. Also a bit of the song, Do you believe in love is used. This belongs to Craig David and Windswept Music Ltd.

Summary: Take note of the rating please. Bad language, rape subject and violence through out.

Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.

Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.

NOTE: fed-up-reader: thanks for your latest review. I'm glad that my standard of spelling has improved. I am very serious about my writing and I would hope I don't come across as incompetent. A lot of people over the duration of my life have told me I am, such as the people who put me in special needs when I was younger. I don't believe I needed to be in that class. I am trying really hard to rectify my spelling because I know it bothers some people immensely and I want my work to be the best it can. I am curious though as to what you think about the story line. Please let me know. Thanks again.

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'She was my sister, just five years old when she was taken from our home. I tired so many times to go look for her but there's only so much a ten year old can do. We kept her room for her, checked hospitals and care homes every month. After six years Mom

said we had to stop looking. It was tearing the family apart, the same disappointment month after month. I ran away from home, I didn't plan it, just took my stuff and went. I had to find her, I searched everywhere in Vegas, New York, the furthest I got was Texas. Eventually I ran out of money and hitch hiked my way back home. I'd been gone about a year, when I got home only Mom was there, she told me Dad had gone looking for me about a month after I left and never come home. We waited for him for so long, now instead of looking for one person we were hunting down two. We never found either of them, me and Mom still look, every month as usual.'

Gentle tears fell down his face, I held onto him tight I wanted to be there for him, he'd given me so much. He leaned over and took a picture off the nightstand, a man was giving a small girl a piggy back ride around a small back garden. Both their faces lit up with happiness. It was amazing how alike they both were to Grissom. His father was the spitting image of a younger Grissom, the one I knew in San Francisco. Alice had the same eyes that shone love and affection. Her curly blond hair caught the light of the sun making it shimmer, it was such a beautiful picture then held so much grief for this man's family. I looked up as more tears fell onto the picture frame, Grissom looked like he was falling apart at the seams. I reached up and gently wiped away his tears and kissed his cheek gently. He looked down on me, holding me closer to him. I wanted so much to give him back what he had lost, but all I can give him is my heart. I wish I'd never asked him about his family, I just wanted to know that there was some people who loved their children, mine never did.

'After I got back, Mom got ill. I looked after her. Now Dad was gone I had to look after what was left of the family. Mom needed me. I got back on track with school and retook all the exams I missed, got a college place and a job. Everything was going well, but Mom never got over loosing Alice and Dad. She loved us all so much, it was like someone had stolen her heart. I didn't want to leave her to come here but she told me it was all she wanted, to see her son successful. I want to be successful for her.'

I had to say something.

'Honey, your good at what you do. I'm sure your Mom is so proud of you.' I hope I said the right thing, he's looking at me in that weird way he has, like when he's looking at a piece of evidence.

'What about you? Tell me about your family. I'm curious.' Oh my God where am I going to start? My family is such a mess I don't really know if he should be told. He trusted me with his family secrets, it's my turn now.

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'I never had the best family in the world but we were o.k. Until Dad started his new job, it stressed him out, made him tired and angry. He used to read me stories with Mom. We all got cuddled up in their big bed altogether like those fairy tale families you see on T.V. He'd read all the masculine parts in these funny deep voices and Mom would read the women in these smooth, well spoken voices. It all changed though. He'd come to me at night and do things to me. I hated him, that Daddy I loved so much during my childhood had turned into a monster in front of my eyes. When I was 15 Mom lost it. I came home with her from the doctor's, Dad knew something was wrong. My eyes were red and Mom's face was so pale. She clasped my hand in two of her's and squeezed gently. I ran to my room, avoiding Dad's accusing glares. I only had a tummy bug, at least I thought I had. I was pregnant with my father's child. The idea made me sick to my stomach. The abortion was scheduled for next week. we didn't have much money but Mom insisted on having the abortion as soon as possible, it wouldn't be as hard for me to let go that way. Mom swore to me she'd never let him touch me again, she'd sort him out. He beat her pretty well and I knew she was terrified of him herself. I fell asleep that night, hungry, I couldn't bring myself to eat in case I threw up again. I awoke from a less than pleasant dream, to shouting and screaming moving closer and closer down the hall. I didn't have any time to be scared, my door flew open my Mom stood there her mouth open, her pale face framed by the light in the hall. A shining knife in her hand, red liquid dripping meticulously off the end, staining my carpet. Dad lay slumped against my chest of draws, very dead. I passed out, next thing I remember I was in the nearest child home and my Mom was in custody.'

She was so sad. Still traumatised by the memory of her father. Pregnant at 15? My poor Sara. There we go again what is with that? She cuddles further into my side, I pull her closer. She's shaking like hell. I look down at her pale face. I up my hand under her chin and make her look at me.

'Hey it's o.k. I won't let anything happen to you.' She looks at me the cutest puzzled expression on her face.

'You don't mind that I was pregnant, that I'm totally insecure?' Now I look puzzled why is she thinking like this.

'Of course I don't mind honey. Why should I? It's in the past, and your NOT insecure. Even if you were I wouldn't mind.' I kiss her forehead gently, and sneak a look at the bedside clock over her shoulder, 3am. I need some sleep after the day I've had, I catch Sara mid yawn and chuckle, I guess she is too.

'Come on Sara, bed. You need to sleep. I'll be here if you wake up.' I lay myself and her down, pulling her to me and resting our foreheads together. I feel her breathing even out against my cheek. Her arms are folded up against my chest still clutching my nightshirt. My arms are around her small waist, holding her to me where no one can hurt her. Before I give in to sleep, I think of Ecklie and wonder how he could do this to her, I wonder what he's thinking.

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They found the condom like I'd hoped. Finally I can get back at him, revenge is tasting so very sweet. She was sweet, her skin sickly sweet and smooth under my teeth, the taste of her bitter blood setting the perfect flavour. I loved every minute. Every time I think about it I can't help but smile. I'd do it all again if I could.

Catherine is looking at me like she can't stand the sight of me. Good, I hope I repulse them all. She wants my statement. It's time to tell my story now, I'll give them a story they'll never forget.

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There we go new chapter up and running. This will be my last chapter for about two weeks, less if I have anything to do with it. I'm really sorry guys, I got to decorate the room the computer is in. I'll try and get on another computer and update but I don't think that will be very likely. I'll have at least two chapters done when I get back online. Please keep a look out. Sorry! Please review.


	6. Chapter 6

Confessions of a Rapist

Title: Confessions of a Rapist

Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX

Series: C.S.I

Rating: T

Genre: angst/comfort

Spoilers: none

Characters: Sara Sidle, Conrad Ecklie and Nick Stokes

Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer.

Summary: Take note of the rating please. Bad language, rape subject and violence through out.

Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.

Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.

Note: I am going to tell you who's P.O.V. it is when I change P.O.V. As I realise that some of you that are reading this may have been confused, sorry about that. I'm really sorry I've been offline for so long there were family problems I had to deal with and my house was being decorated, new chappy up as soon as I can type it up.

Fed-up-reader: I'm glad that you like the story line. I am now using a proof reader. Thank you for your input.

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_Ecklie_

Catherine and Nick sit across the table from me, their barley concealed anger making me grin with amusement. I love this, should have done it a long time ago it's so fun. Brass is guarding the door making sure I don't make a run for it. None of them realise I'm 'down for the ride'. Finally, finally Grissom can get what he deserves.

'O.k. Ecklie you know the drill. You tell us what we need to know you get a lesser sentence, everyone's happy. We get the pleaser of seeing you put away and you get the joy of spending fewer months getting your teeth kicked in by your fellow jail birds.' I smile at them, they can't possible hope to bribe me like that. I've got nothing left to loose now. I can see their anger, barely concealed under what they think to be professional masks. I can see there real emotions, I can see them. I lean forward across the table, toward Catherine in particular and whisper in her ear.

'You've got nothing on me. Nothing at all.' I whisper my last sentence slowly trying to intimidate her. She leans back slightly, sending shivers of pleasure down my spine. I relish the control I have over women. Catherine's breathing is hard and fast, I'm so close, I can feel it against my hot skin. She fears me, I close my eyes against the intense erotic pleasure it gives me. They whip open as Nick's hand comes down hard upon my shoulder. I throw him a look of pure poison, he's ruining all my fun.

'You're screwed. Give it up. D.N.A, Victim identification, we got it all man. What are you holdin' back for?' He slumps back into his chair never taking his icy filled eyes off mine. Leaning back casually I think, he's right as much as I hate to admit it, there's nothing left to hide now. I smile at 'Nicky boy', so naive, just a child in many ways. I'll make sure he never forgets this.

'My wife left me you know. About two months back, found out about Claire. I loved her you know, I loved my wife so much. Claire asked for it anyway. On reception everyday, eyeing every man that walked past. She wanted it. I never meant to hurt her, she shouldn't have shouted, screamed. She wanted sex as much as I did. I had to hold her down, she was like a wild thing. I couldn't help myself, I loved the control, heightening all the pleasure I took from her. I had to hit her, I had to keep her awake. Afterward I paced my office. I could loose my job over something like this. It was all her damn fault. Whimpering in a corner, damn weak bitch! I gave her another good slap to shut her up. I loved it.' I paused to close my eyes, smirking at the pleasant memories.

'She pressed charges of course and I denied them, but I was already ruined as soon as she opened her damn mouth, mouthy bitch! Gil was there when they gave me my two weeks notice, smirking away. He had to pay. All the years we've worked together, all the years I've hated the way he had everything I wanted. Respect, friendship, infinite knowledge and that I'd lost, the love of a young woman. She was so beautiful, God Sara was so lovely. Gil needed to pay for everything he's rubbed in my face. I had nothing left to loose. I took the one thing he cared about most in the world. Make her so terrified he'd never have her again. She was so sweet. I can still smell her skin, her hair.' I draw a deep breath for effect, knowing it will disgust them. She was so, so sweet.

'She is mine, forever. I've taken her from him, he'll never have her back, never!' I love the look on Nick, Catherine and Brass' faces. Screwed up in rage and disbelief. This has got to be the best day of my life. I've had my way, my hold on Sara will never let go. As I'm led away, hands cuffed behind my back, I lean over Nick's shoulder and whisper:

'Give Gil and Sara ALL my best.' I can't help but laugh. Today is such a good day.

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_Nick_

Bastard, sick bastard! How can someone think like that? Brass left with Ecklie, no doubt wanting to have the satisfaction of booking him himself. I hear Catherine sigh shakily next to me. I turn to her, she's crying gently hands shaking as they rake through her hair. I lay a hand on her arm, letting her take her time before turning to me.

'Hey you o.k.? Did he hurt you?' She shakes her head, I'm not convinced but I'm not going to push.

'I'm o.k. He didn't even touch me. He just scared me that's all. God he's so intimidating. For a minute there I thought he was actually going to hurt me.' She was crying openly now. Huge scared sobs wracking her. I pull her to me. Holding her tight and secure letting her know that I'm here, that she's safe.

'God Nick if he can make me feel this way, what the hell does Sara feel like?' Her voice is soft, muffled against my neck. Sara, tears sting my eyes as I remember he battered body in front of me. What must she feel like now?

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_Sara_

Fear, fear runs deep. Flowing through every particle of my body. I knew sleep would never be easy but I never thought it would be this bad. I feel so weak and stupid for letting myself get this paranoid. I hate myself. In the dark, alone with my thoughts. It's always the victims that carry the crime, I'll carry it for the rest of my life. I feel so stupid and worthless. So alone in my grief for my lost mentality. Even though I feel Grissom's warm body against my thigh as I sit here, thinking these thoughts of loneliness, I still feel alone. He's sleeping so soundly, oblivious to my thoughts, my mood. A tear escapes me again, I hate myself for letting this get the better of me. I want him to wake up so badly, I want him to wake and hold me, tell me it's o.k. that I'm safe here in his arms. I watch in shame as more tears fall onto the sheets and a few onto Grissom's arm, making him groan in his sleep. I clamp a hand over my mouth to stifle the noise I'm making. I don't want to wake him, he's so tired and he's been so good to me I can't ask anything more of him.

'Sara?' He sounds like he's drunk. His speech slurred by sleep. I force myself into silence, both hands clamped hard over my lips. My body still heaves with sobbing and my eyes rammed shut, still tears escaped them. I feel his hands on my shoulders, as he sits himself up.

'Sara? Sara honey look at me.' I slowly let my hands fall to my sides and force my tired swollen eyes to open. I am met by swimming baby blues, full of concern for me, concern I don't deserve. I wave away his comforting hands, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, clasping my aching head in my hands. I want his touch so much but I am dirty, I don't want to make him dirty too. I'm not worthy.

'I'm sorry Griss, I-I just c-can't do this. Y-you can't do this. It's not fair... not fair to ask you to keep doing this, for me.' My voice doesn't sound real, processed like a machine. My whole body, even my soul feels mechanical now. I feel Griss move up behind me, and his hands once again on both my shoulders. I sob, I can't help it, I can't hold it inside anymore, there's no will left in me, and I want his touch, his comfort so much. He gently turns me to face him again. Looking deep into my red rimmed eyes.

'I know what I'm letting myself in for. I can do this. Honey, I will always be here for you whether you want it or not. I'm not going to leave you here like this, I care for you far too much to turn away when you need care the most.' He looks at me, searching for something unknown.

'Come here.' I fall into him, no longer sobbing openly, just crying silently and slowly. His words mean so much to me, his comfort, his embrace, his...love. His chest is warm under my forehead, his arms creating a wall keeping me safe.

'I'm sorry. Grissom I'm so sorry.' My voice is muffled by Grissom's chest. I can feel him raise his head. A hand comes up under my chin forcing it upwards, making me look at him.

'Honey. Stop apologising. You have nothing to be sorry about, nothing! I'm here because I want to be.' I nod at him, sniffing away all my tears. He lays us down together, the comforting black veil of sleep, and Grissom's warm arms drive away my nightmares, for now.

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_Grissom_

She's asleep at last. So fast asleep in fact she can not feel my tears fall onto her beautiful hair, or the ring of my cell.

'Gil it's Cath.' Her voice is thick like she's been crying. Oh my God what else could have happened now?

'Gil, we questioned Ecklie, he said some thing you'll wanna hear.' I can hear her swallow, I look down at my sleeping beauty and make a decision. I'm not leaving her side tonight. I'll face this tomorrow, what ever Ecklie had to say, it had nothing to do with me.

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O.k. so here you go. New chappie, I love this one to bits, it's my favourite. Please review who ever you are. I would love to get at least 60 review by the end of this chapter. Thanks!


	7. Chapter 7

Guilty 

Title: Guilty

Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX

Series: C.S.I.

Rating: M

Genre: angst/comfort

Spoilers: none

Characters: Gil Grissom, Sara Sidle, Catherine Willows, Nick Stokes and Conrad Ecklie.

Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer.

Summary: After Ecklie's confession Gil is traumatised by the fact HE may have caused Sara's rape.

Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.

Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.

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_Gil Grissom's POV _

Deep light swallows my dreams as sunlight pours into my room. She's had such a hard night. She must have woken at least six times that I know of. She'd never wake me, leaving me to my dreams. I'd feel her tears or hear her crying and wake to comfort her. My hand moves down her arm, feeling the puckered flesh and ugly stitching it sports. Cath is coming over in an hour with Ecklie's tape, his confession. Nick will sit with Sara, there's no way I'm going to let her listen to that. I stroke her hair and tighten my grip on her protectively. She is so fragile, so tiny I'm terrified she might break. Then I remember she's already broken, in every possible way. She moves under my protective grasp. Shaking off the cobwebs of dreams. Her eyes are unfocused in the dim light of the early morning. She smiles at me, but it's not the same. Not that big Sara smile I love. As much as it makes me happy to see her smile at last, it makes me sad, it doesn't hold the same light it did before. Suddenly her face contracts in pain. Warm liquid seeps into my clothes, blood.

'Ah shit!' she shouts. A few tears of pain escape her eyes. I pull her up into a sitting position and gently move her shirt out of the way. Her stitches have come out, I know how stupid it sounds but I'm glad it's not anything too serious. Still my stomach seems to contract at the sight of her blood. She'll need to go back to the hospital and get re-stitched. I catch her eye and get a glimpse of fear hidden behind them. As much as I don't want to leave her, Nick is going to have to go with her to the hospital. I've got to hear that tape.

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_Sara's POV_

I'm bleeding all over Grissom's beautiful sheets and his shirt. I hate doing this to him. He's been so good to me and all I seem to do is make more work for him. He never seems to care how much mess I make physically or emotionally, he always stays with me and never complains. It feels so surreal to me. I always loved him but lately I felt that I could get on with my life. Maybe I could find someone who loved me as much as I loved him, maybe, but now it's all changed. After what happened two nights ago, I love him more than ever. Now when I'm bleeding everywhere he doesn't just pack me off in an ambulance. He gently cleans my gaping wound and places a piece of gauze over it. My heart jumps as he places a light kiss to my temple. Our eyes meet and hold for what seems like a life time before the doorbell rings, making us jump. Grissom leaves me cuddled up in his blankets before going to answer the door.

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_Catherine's POV_

To say that Grissom looked ruffled was an understatement. I would have laughed at his appearance if I couldn't feel the tape of Conrad's confession cold against my palm. I feel Nick's hand take mine and squeeze it gently before moving forward and shaking Grissom's hand

'Hey Griss how's she doing?'

'She's o.k. Nicky I need you to take her to the hospital. Her stitching came out in her sleep.' I look Griss over and notice the large blood stain covering his side. I can see Nick's worried eyes sweep over Grissom's apartment, I'm not the only one to notice.

'You can go in and see her if you like. she's in the bedroom.' Nick shots past us both and disappears down Grissom's corridor. I put out a hand and lay it on Grissom's shoulder. I wanted him to know I'm here for him.

'You sure you wanna hear this?' I've got to ask, I mean I'm not sure Grissom even wants to hear his own voice right now. he nods slowly, I'm not convinced but it's his decision. As Griss closes the door on the outside world I can't help but think that after hearing this, he might close that door on the world, on Sara for good.

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_Sara's POV_

The sliding doors to the local hospital slide open and the harsh smell of disinfectant hits my nostrils and sends my mind reeling. A thousand memories hit me all at once, making me gasp. I can feel Nicky's hand is hard against my lower back. It's a comfort and a hindrance to have him here. I want Grissom, God I want him to be Grissom so bad. A short, burly nurse ushers me into a cubicle and persists in asking me senseless questions. I'm so tired I just want to go home. It's funny, I've only been at Grissom's one night and I already think of it as my home. It's the only place I feel safe now, except when I sleep. Sleep sounds so good. God look at the size of that needle she's got, this is going to hurt. I grasp Nick's hand tight and squeeze my eyes shut.

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_Grissom's POV_

Oh God! This is all my fault. Conrad did this because of me, it's all because of me. Oh God! I feel Cath's hand on my shoulder and I lift my head from it's safe cradle in my hands. I can't believe this is happening.

'Gil?... Gil, don't you dare blame yourself for this. It is NOT your fault.' I hear what she's saying and I want to believe her, I really do, but I heard it for myself, it's all because of me.

'Gil?... Don't do this, not now. Please, don't do this to yourself, to Sara. Do you hear me?... Gil?' Just as I open my mouth to answer her the door opens and Sara practically runs inside followed at the heels by Nick. She sits herself down gently next to me, holding her new stitching with one hand. I don't move towards her, I think about last night, I think about her apartment, I think about her battered body and I can't bring myself to touch her, I KNOW it's my fault. I have no right to touch her. I can feel her eyes bore into me searing my very soul. God I feel so guilty. The front door closes almost silently and I am left alone with my guilt, I almost forget Sara is sitting next to me.

'Griss?' her small, anxious voice grates on me and makes my feelings red raw.

'Griss?... What's wrong? Please talk to me.' I can't answer her, can't even look at her.

'I've been so stupid.' I don't even look at her when I say it but instantly I feel the hurt radiate off her.

'You think it was a stupid mistake to take me in? Is that what your trying to say? All I wanted was you Grissom, I hated you for all the times you've made me believe we had something. I thought that after what Eck.. Ecklie did to me that we might actually have something real. Now you want me out!' This is all so wrong, she's got it all wrong.

'Sara...'

'Save it Grissom.' Her whole body seems to shake, give up. I can see the tears swimming in her eyes, she swipes at them angrily. I've got to stop this, I don't want to hurt her anymore. Maybe it's already too late.

The bedroom doors slams in my face just as I get to it, I hear the dead bolt slide into place. Damn it! I've lost her, I know it, I've lost her for good.

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_Nick's POV_

I don't think I've ever seen Cath so upset or Grissom so, detached from reality. Sara couldn't wait to get back to him. Soon as the nurse was done she snatched up her stuff and practically ran for the hills. It's no surprise to anyone that she chose Griss to take care of her after what, HE did. Bastard. There is still an unhealthy look about her, especially when she left the apartment, shrinks into herself. When we got back it was so easy to see that all she wanted was a cuddle, she deserves one to. He didn't even touch her, didn't look at her, it's got to be one of the saddest things I've ever seen. Damn Ecklie for this! I frowned at Cath, she stood and we left them to sort out their differences.

'What's goin' on Catherine?' She sighs deeply and rubs her palms across her eyes.

'Griss heard the tape, he thinks it's all his fault. He's so eaten up with guilt, my God Nick what if this is it for them?' She looks up at me mirroring my own worried expression. I take her hand and squeeze it gently and say:

'It'll be alright Cath.' I don't expect her to believe me, I don't even believe it myself.

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_Ecklie's POV_

What wouldn't I give for a taste of Sara now? I hope Grissom is suitably unhappy with my confession. It's all he deserves, he KNOWS it's all him. I give it... two hours at most before he can't stand it anymore and pushes her out. I'll be waiting, desperate times call for desperate measures, can't be that hard to get out of here. I can't wait to see you again Sara, here I come, I'm coming just for you Sara. Can't get her out of my head.

Sara, Sara, Sara, Sara, Sara, Sara, Sara, Sara, Sara, Sara, Sara, Sara, Sara, Sara, Sara,

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O.k. here it is next chapter up and running. Sorry about the last chapter, my proof reader didn't get back to me so I posted it as it was. I WILL have a happy ending don't worry, this chapters a little darker than the rest of them, if that's possible. This is not the end for Grissom and Sara. Thanks for reading. Please review, I'd love to get 70 reviews by the end of this chapter, I do accept anonymous reviews.

thanks to my old faithful reviewers:

**Dakota Bob,**

**crzygrl,**

**Veronica 10,**

**CSIfan3,**

**figersnap,**

**Allie09.**

**LAUREN: Thank you for proof reading this piece. Also a big thank you to anyone who has proof read for me at some time. **

Thanks so much guys your faithful reviews make it all worth while. Thanks to everyone else who has taken the time to review I love getting them. Thanks for following my work.


	8. Chapter 8

Keeping It Together

Title: Keeping It Together

Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX

Series: C.S.I.

Rating: M

Genre: angst/comfort

Spoilers: none

Characters: Gil Grissom, Sara Sidle.

Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer.

Summary: Grissom finally realises what he feels for Sara. Is it too late for them?

Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.

Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.

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_Sara's POV_

I can't believe it. All I wanted was him, I thought maybe he wanted me to. I was wrong. I wince as I sniff harshly trying to maintain some from of my control. I remember the way he felt when he hugged m, the sweet smell of aftershave mingled with that totally Grissom odour and my fight for control gets that little bit harder. It feels so surreal stuffing all of my possessions in my black canvas bag, moving out of Grissom's life after just two days in it, I remind myself it's always been this way. To have him so close, just to have him pulled away again. I can't take it anymore. My heart is screaming at me to open the door, talk it out, my mind tells me to pack up and leave well alone, in my experience you ALWAYS follow your mind. Sitting down on the soft bed that is still lying unmade, I hold my aching head in my hands. Where am I supposed to go? How am I supposed to deal with this? Maybe I need him more than I thought. My mind is brought abruptly back from it's wanderings by a gentle rapping on the door.

'Sara?... Please open the door...Sara?' His muffled voice fills me with a deep sorrow, and desire to fling open that meagre piece of wood that keeps us apart. I've only left his side for four hours and yet the huge empty space inside me is overwhelming. I can't do this alone.

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_Grissom's POV_

_'I'm sorry Griss, I-I just c-can't do this. Y-you can't do this. It's not fair...not fair to ask you to keep doing this for me.' _It's funny how you can't choose your memories. It would be nice if I could, but I can't. I remember her face, her eyes, her words. I remember the way the door slammed shut on me just over four hours ago, and yet I still haven't moved from my vegetative spot on the couch. Every single fibre of my physical form is screaming at my idiotic emotional defence mechanisms to go the hell over there and brake the door in. I cover my face with my hands, trying desperately to decide what to do. Another memory flashes in front of my eyes.

_'Don't leave me alone.'_

_'I won't honey I swear.'_ I promised her, I promised her that I'd be here for her, and I'm not, at least not at this moment. I stand with shaking legs I cross the hardwood floor to my bedroom door.

'Sara?... Please open the door...Sara?' I plaster my ear to the door listening for anything that will tell me what she's going to do next. Silence hits my ear drums like a fog horn. I back away slowly trying desperately to think of something, anything. Then I get it, I know what I have to do.

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_Sara's POV_

I knew I should stop being so childish and just open the God damn door, but I always was a stubborn bitch. I hear a light crackling noise, like paper being folded. I lift my head, my eye brows knotting together in confusion. A white slip of paper slips under the door. I watch as the shadows of Grissom's feet move away before reaching over to pick up my note.

_Sara, _

_ I should have told you from the start, now that I face losing you for good I have to tell you what has been burning in my mind since the day we first met. I never EVER meant to hurt you and all I can hope for is that you will give me another chance. Will you forgive me Sara? I love you, I loved you way back in San-Francisco and I love you even more now. Please open the door, forgive me. _

_Grissom _

I think my heart just stopped. Tears of happiness roll down my cheeks, it's all I ever dreamed of and now I have it I don't really know what to do with it. I walk over to the door and with shaking hands unbolt the door. I can see him even from here, his head in his hands, I want so badly to go over there and hug him. With a hammering heart I gently sit myself next to him. His head flies up when I touch his shoulder. There is so much that needs to be said, I don't know what to say.

'Sara, I don't know what to say... I guess, I'm sorry would be the best place to start. I never want to hurt you. I- I love you.' Haring him say it makes all the difference in the world. I thought that having him write those words to me was going to be enough, but as soon as I saw them I wanted more. He's looking at me, he wants me to say something, I want me to say something, but I'm speechless. Our eyes are locked together, before I know what I'm doing, I'm kissing him gently on the mouth, full on. It's slow an gentle, the way I need it. I want this to last forever, my heart is racing in my chest as I feel his lips slowly run over mine. All too soon his hands are on my hips, running down my thighs and the flash backs start. Suddenly Grissom's hands do not belong to him anymore, Ecklie is here, he's all over me. I pull back as if I have been burned. Something must be showing in my face because Grissom's hand reaches out through the dark memories and touches my face gently.

'Sara, it's o.k. honey I'm not going to hurt you.' He's so quiet and so gentle I feel the tears well up again against my better judgment.

'I know Grissom, I-I just need some time, o.k.?' I know my voice is breaking, I look like the grim reaper's twin and I'm a nervous wreck but Grissom is still here, why is he still here? You know what, it doesn't matter, now I know he's not going to leave me. He loves me, it still sounds strange even in my mind.

'Honey you take all the time you need, I promise you, I'm not going anywhere, I won't leave you alone.' Hearing him promise for the third time turns the butterflies in my stomach into gentle fluttering. I'm not nervous of him anymore, I'm not scared of him anymore, he's everything. He's made me realise Ecklie hasn't won me yet.

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_Grissom's POV _

I can't believe I told her how I feel. I don't regret it like I always thought I would, it's the best decision I've ever made. To be able to sit with her curdled up on the couch watching some T.V. neither of us is really watching is incredibly domestic. Funnily enough though I don't care. She barley wake, I sneak a look at her every few minuets just to check that she's really here. I love her, I really do and for Gilbert Grissom that's really something. I settle back feeling more contented then I ever have done in years, it's something about the feel of her under my protective grasp that just feels right. Suddenly my cell rings disrupting the perfect peace, it's Catherine.

_'Gil? How are you and Sara? You didn't say something stupid did you?' _I'm trying so hard not to be offended.

'We're fine Cath. What's up?'

_'It's Ecklie, we set a trial date and were about to send him over to a more secure unit and, well... he escaped.' _I can't believe this won't that bastard EVER go away?!

'Cath, I need you to find him, before Sara finds out, I don't want to tell her unless I have to.'

_'O.k. Gil, watch your back.' _

'Thanks Cath, I'll get back to you later.' This can't be happening, it's a good thing Sara fell asleep just as I picked up the phone. This is going to cause some fireworks.

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O.k. so there we go, little fluffy chapter for you, I know we all wanted some healing. Sorry that it's taken so long to update I've been waiting on my proof reader who unfortunately didn't get back to me this time around so there may well be several mistakes, sorry!!! Don't worry Ecklie won't rear his ugly head for at least another chappy yet. I want to have a break from angst for a while. Please review and keep reading!!


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Independence Day

Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX

Series: C.S.I

Rating: T

Genre: angst/comfort

Spoilers: none

Characters: Gil Grissom, Sara Sidle

Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer.

Summary:

Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.

Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.

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_Grissom's POV _

The past two months have been a never ending agony of sleepless nights and Ecklie paranoia. Through all this though I do think Sara is on the mend to some extent. On average she only has one nightmare per night, her scars are healing well and there are no signs that the experience will have a long lasting mental effect on her. The months have flown by, Sara improving with each day. The more time I have spent here the more I have come to love her and our relationship has developed into something more beautiful than my imagination would dare to dream up. Yesterday Sara went out for the first time on her own. Kissed me on the cheek and left, I wanted to follow her so badly, Ecklie still a prominent feature in my mind, he's still loose. I realise this is something she needs to do and I respect her every decision but I just want to protect her, coming so close to loosing her I'm not willing to let her out of my sight ever again. The first few weeks were the hardest, I don't think I got a decent night sleep in about three weeks, but that's o.k. so long as Sara's alright. The thought of her alone scares me as much as it does her. I can't get the image of her dark, expressionless eyes out of my head. She has to do this, I'm not going to stop her, but I'm scared for her. Most of all though I'm proud of her, my Sara.

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_Sara's POV _

The door shuts behind me with am ominous bang sounding incredibly dramatic. Stumbling down the stairs on legs of jelly I keep running over why I'm actually here. Half of me wants to run back to the apartment, back to Grissom, but I'm not that weak, I'm not. It feels good to back out in the open air again. A strong feeling of independence flows through me, something I've not experienced in so long. I can't believe I'm actually outside, alone. It terrifies me, but excites me far more. I can hear my heels clicking on the slide walk, without chaperones footsteps mimicking them. Memories of a more independent Sara Sidle flash across my mind. I pass a dark leaved bush a pause to pluck a delicate leaf off its steam. I turn to leave, just as I do so I turn back around in surprise, not seeing a thing I hurry on my way. Funny, I could have sworn I saw a pair of eyes.

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_Ecklie's POV _

There she is, finally after all this waiting, I've found my prey. The urge to reach out and grab her is so strong. I need her. I want her. She belongs to me. I will have her, he cannot stop me. He cannot protect her. Hiding in secret for so long, it's her fault, stupid bitch, all her fault. She'll pay, when the time is right, she will pay.

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_Grissom's POV_

She's been gone for over two hours and I'm beginning to panic. She is independent now, she can do what she likes, but I still can't help but wonder. She never wanted to go out alone. It's strange, it scares me. I have reached for the phone three times, wanting to call her, Catherine, the police, anyone that will bring her back before I go mad. What if.. what if he has found her, they still haven't caught him yet, and she still doesn't know he's out there, after her. Suddenly the door flies open, I look up expecting to see a police officer in my door way, instead I am greeted by the sunny smile that is plastered across Sara's face. The dim light from the lamp casts a sheen on her hair that makes her looks so beautiful.

'Sorry I'm so late Gil. I lost track of time.' Shrugging of her coat she drops it onto the sofa. She catches my eyes and notices that my unforgiving first wave of panic still hasn't subsided.

'Gil? What is it? It's not because I was late is it? Look I'm o.k. see, I'm still here.' She places her hand over mine proving to me that she is indeed real. He didn't find her this time, I still can't shake the feeling that it's only a matter of time before he finds us. I force a smile onto my face. I can't tell her about Ecklie, she's been through too much already, it's too soon for her. I know in my heart that she will want to know, but even if it's only for myself I keep up the pretence that she won't mind not knowing. Seeing my smile seems to relive her of any doubt in her mind that I am unhappy. She grabs her bags and shows me what she has spent the day shopping for. I'm not really listening to her, she doesn't seem to notice. I'm so proud of what she has achieved over the past few months. To have her here with me now seems so surreal after what we have been through and coming so close to losing her. She catches me staring at her, and a small gentle smile moves over her face, beaming at me like sunshine.

'What?' I look at her, still smiling at me, that gorgeous gap toothed smile, warming me from my heart outwards. I gently pull her up into my lap and hold her there. My head in her shoulder, I can smell her hair, her gentle perfume.

'Have I mentioned how much I love you?.' My speech is muffled by her shoulder.

'Frequently' She mumbles into my ear, her delicate, warm breath sweeping over me like the beginnings of a dream. She places gentle kisses along my jaw line, down my neck where she pulls away. She stands up and turns on the T.V. She kisses my forehead and my lips, twice.

'I'm going for a shower. You can fix us something to eat if you want.' As she moves off down the hall I feel my body ache for her warmth to heat my frozen heart. I am happy with her, how could I not be? Love comes with a price. The ache I feel when she's not here, the sunshine I cannot feel rolling off her infectious laugh, but when I return from work early in the morning and find her curled in my bed, wearing my best shirt and boxers the momentary pain I feel when she's gone even for a second seems so worthwhile. I lay full length on the couch and throw an arm over my eyes, shutting out the world for a moments peace. As I listen to the water pattering on the damp tiles of my shower floor I realise how lucky I truly am.

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O.k. so here is your new chappy I'm really sorry that it took so long to upload but I have had GCSE mock exams the past two weeks and revision before that so I hope you forgive me. This is not the end I promise that I will write some more soon.


	10. Chapter 10

Revelations

Title: Revelations

Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX

Series: C.S.I

Rating: T

Genre: angst/comfort

Spoilers: none

Characters: Gil Grissom, Sara Sidle, Conrad Ecklie

Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer.

Summary: Everything is going well until Grissom drops a bombshell on Sara, and the last person they want to see appears on their doorstep.

Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.

Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.

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_Sara's POV _

The hot water runs over my naked body, soothing my soul. I trace the scars that litter my body, the ugly white marks marring my peach skin. Funnily enough though it doesn't bother me like it used to. I'm used to them now, they have become part of who I am. I still hate what has been done to me, but in a strange way I'm starting to see the better side of it, look at what I have now, Gil, a proper home, everything I ever wanted. The warm, loving relationship I have now was never open to me before, being so stubborn I refused to let it go, holding on to what you want does pay off, even if you have to go to hell and back to get it. I don't think my slow recover would ever have occurred if I wasn't here. I lean my head back against the warm tiles of the shower and let the feeling of the water run over me, I hear Gil moving about in the next room and I smile to myself.

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_Grissom's POV _

I pace the room maybe a little too loudly. I know what I have to do, she deserves to know about Ecklie, I still can't believe that I kept it from her for this long. I hear the flow of water stop and my heart beat quickens. What if she hates me? What if she never speaks to me again? What if she leaves? I shake myself, no I can't think that way, keep a clear head just like when your on a case. But this isn't a case, this is our lives, the woman I love more than anyone or anything in the entire world, I can't live without her. The bathroom door opens in a cloud of steam looking like something out of a bad sci-fi series, and Sara steps out dressed in just a towel. She walks up to me and settles herself on my lap, Jesus she's making this so damn hard.

'Sara, there's...there's something you need to know. Something I haven't told you, that well...' I fade out into silence, bowing my head, averting my eyes. I feel her warm fingers under my chin tiling my eyes back to meet hers.

'Gil , tell me.' How the hell am I supposed to resist that?

'Sara, Ecklie escaped.' I feel her tense under my hands, I put my arms around her waist holding her safe and secure.

' He got out, two months ago. I'm sorry I never told you honey but, I didn't want to scare you, your so much better now I didn't want to bring you back down again. There so close to him now Sara, it won't be much longer before he's caught.' I pause, waiting for her reaction. She pulls away from me and stands in front of me, hands on hips anger blazing in her eyes.

'Two months? Two whole damn months and you never said a word to me?! Jesus Gil what the hell where you thinking?' I stare up at her all my words lost before they reach my mouth.

'I need to think, I'm going for a drive.' She walks off down the corridor, I follow her.

'Sara listen to me, we need to talk about this. Let me come with you please let me explain. Sara' I catch hold of her arm gently turning her to face me.

'I love you Sara, nothing I've said or done changes that, but if we're going to be together we need to talk about this, please.' Her eyes regard me warily, she nods before turning into the bedroom to dress. I wait outside for her to finish, when the door opens I jump to attention, she smiles tiredly at me. I reach out and brush my hand over her cheek, before wrapping her in a warm hug.

'I'm sorry Sara, I'm so sorry.' I mumble into her shoulder.

'It's o.k. I forgive you Gil.' I pull away from her and look into her eyes, she is so amazing to forgive me so quickly fro something so terrible is love I never knew existed.

'How about that drive then?' She asks taking my hand in hers. We walk out the front door, to the car, I look over at the bushes, I could have sworn there was someone standing there just now. I shake myself for the second time tonight and get into the drivers seat.

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_Ecklie's POV _

Tomorrow Sara, tomorrow I will find you, I know where you live, I know just how to get to you. Tomorrow Sara you are mine.

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o.k. so end of chapter number 10. I hope you like. This may or may not be my last chapter before Christmas depending on how shopping and such goes. Anyway please r and r, merry Christmas!!


	11. Chapter 11

Ecklie

Title: Ecklie

Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX

Series: C.S.I

Rating: T

Genre: angst/comfort

Spoilers: none

Characters: Gil Grissom, Sara Sidle, Conrad Ecklie, Jenny Weston (I made her up for this one, she is Gil's neighbour).

Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer.

Summary: After running from him for two months Ecklie finally reappears in Sara and Grissom's lives.

Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.

Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.

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_Sara's POV _

It's been a week since I found out about Ecklie. I've tried so hard to control my fear, and to my surprise I think I've managed it quite well. I wish I could get back to work, I miss it. Being my supervisor Gil insisted that I didn't return to work until the trial was over, he says I don't need the extra stress. I reach over to the alarm clock on the bedside table, 1:50am, Gil will be home soon. He's been working so hard he's only doing a half shift tonight. I settle back onto the cushions as I hear the door open and close softly. Finally, I was beginning to miss him even more than usual. I listen as he completes his little routine that he goes through every night when he comes home. I love the fact that I know every move he takes. Lock the door, check his kit, kicks of his shoes, hangs up his coat, goes to the bathroom, washes, changes and finally comes to me. I feel him slip into bed behind me and his arms go around my waist. I turn over and find myself face by a strong wall of chest. I close my eyes and bury my face into Gil's shoulder.

'Yeah I missed you to.' He chuckles as he tightens his arms around me. I breath in the familiar scent I've longed for all day, reveal in his warmth. I lift my head slightly so that I can see him.

'Hi there stranger.' I lean in to kiss him.

'How was work? Is everyone doing okay?' My never ending concern for the team seems to amuse him.

'Everyone is fine, Cath is havin some problems with Lindsey, boy trouble you know, and Nick doesn't feel that his girlfriend is taking the relationship seriously but apart from that, everyone couldn't be better.' I smile at him and settle back down to sleep, talking is all well and good, but just lying here with Gil feeling him next to me is not to be disregarded. I hear Gil's breathing even out, the last thing I hear before falling asleep is my love's heart beating in time with mine.

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_Ecklie's POV _

So damn close now, so damn close. If I could just get past this bitches window, who makes coffee at 2:00am? God damn it I need to get in that damn door!!!! Finally, okay I'm in, second floor, apartment number six. This time Sara, this time you are going to be mine, this time no one is going to have you ever again.

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_Jenny's POV_

'I knew there was something strange about him the moment I saw him sneaking around out there. I recognised him when he moved into the light, that man, God what's his name... Ecklie? He raped that nice young woman that's living upstairs now with Mr Grissom.' I'm speaking so fast that I don't know if the young man on the end of the phone can hear me.

'Thank you Ma'am I'll send a squad car out straight away.' I hang up, the knot in my stomach growing as I hear the main entrance door open. I know Mr Grissom is careful he'll have all his doors locked and a gun by his bed, but what about the rest of us. I race to my door, and lock it, God I hope they hurry.

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_Sara's POV_

A soft knocking disrupts me from my dreams. Rubbing my eyes I sit up, Gil's arm falling across my lap. I sit up a little straighter as the noise of footsteps coming down the hall hits my ears. Now I'm fully awake and shaking, oh God Ecklie, what if he's found us, what the hell do I do? I suddenly remember that I'm not alone anymore reaching over I shake Gil's shoulder hard. He groans, opening his eyes he regards me coldly.

'This better be good.' He looks properly at my face, and sits up properly.

'Sara, what is it?'

'I think Ecklie is here.' I whisper. The dark is pressing in from all sides, making me feel claustrophobic. My heart beat and breathing quickens, before either of us has time to react the door handle is turned ever so slowly. We freeze, listening. The handle is shaken someone twists it back and forth, I whimper in fear, I know it's him, I know it. Gil pulls me to him his head resting on mine. I grab a hand full of his shirt and hold on tight. God help us, he's found me.

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Okay people here we go, cliff-hanger again, I am so cruel to you. New chapter coming soon, now schools out I have so much free time!! Please review.


	12. Chapter 12

Torture

Title: Torture

Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX

Series: C.S.I

Rating: T

Genre: angst/comfort

Spoilers: none

Characters: Gil Grissom, Sara Sidle, Conrad Ecklie

Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer.

Summary: Ecklie is at the door, Sara is terrified as memories of her rape run through her mind. Lets hope the P.D. arrives in time.

Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.

Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.

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_Sara's POV_

Oh God! Oh God here he comes. A loud bang rings through the apartment , I jump in fear, whimpering. Gil pulls me further into his lap, I hear him rooting in his bedside table for his gun. Suddenly everything goes quiet. We sit in the dark, clinging to each other, all I can hear is the harsh beating of Gil's heart next to mine. The blood whooshes in my ears and my skin burns, fear coursing through my body. The silence lasts forever, torturing my soul, the waiting increasing my paranoia with each passing second, I count them in my head, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen... it seems like forever. Suddenly the door crashes open, I scream knowing that he's going to finish the job this time, this time I'm dead.

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_Grissom's POV_

I hear her scream and my heart brakes in two. I tighten my grip on her and my gun. I hear the footsteps coming loudly down my corridor. Fear is rising in my throat, my heart is in my mouth. I have to protect her, I have to! A dark outline of a man appears in the doorway. Oh God this is it. Everyone of my senses are on fire, cars screech past in the street, Sara's nails dig into my skin, her hot tears scorching me. His voice echoes in my ears.

'Hello Sara, did you miss me?' Sara's strangled sob reaches my ears, I raise my gun so that it's trained on Ecklie's head.

'If you speak one more word to her, I swear I'll take your head off.' The words are laced with ice and venom. Hatred courses through my veins. Ecklie takes a step towards us.

'Now Gil, come on, that's no way to talk to a former colleague.' I cock my gun in reply.

'I don't think you'd do it Gil. You don't have it in you.' Ecklie moves slightly into the moonlight that shines through the crack in the curtains, illuminating his dishevelled appearance in an eerie glow. We stare each other out for what seems like a century before another head appears behind Ecklie's, the stranger's gun is pressing into the back of Ecklie's head. Brass' low, baritone voice shatters the silence.

'Maybe he doesn't have it in him, but I do. Put your God damn hands in the air and keep 'em there.' Relief floods me. Suddenly my whole body feels like it weighs a tone. My hand holding the gun falls heavily onto the bed, my head drops into Sara's hair, thank God she's okay. I look up to see Brass staring at us.

'Hey, you two gonna be okay?' I nod at him, words escape me.

'It won't be long now. Trial dates set for two weeks from now.' I watch as he turns his back on us and moves to the door, I call him back.

'Thanks Jim, for everything.' He smiles at me, he looks like he hasn't slept in days.

'No problem Gil.'

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_Ecklie's POV _

Damn!! God damn it!!! The bastard caught me. I swear if I don't get the chair I'll fucking kill them, I'll kill the lot of them!!

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_Brass' POV _

Thank God I got here in time. The sight of my best friend and his girl huddled together in fear of our former 'colleague' was too much. I'm still feeling the aftermath of anger running through me making my hands shake. When I pressed that gun to the back of his head I sooo wanted to press that trigger, send the bastard into hell where he belongs. I couldn't do that in front of Sara after all she's been through the last thing she needs is to see Ecklie's brains seemed up the bedroom wall. I hope they give the bastard the chair.

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_Sara's POV _

I sit in Gil's lap, tears of fear still dampening his night shirt. his hand runs over my matted hair, his words whispering in my ear, gentle words of comfort soothing me. We sit for what seems an age, huddled together in darkness. His arms hold me safe in a cradle of warmth. He's gone now, he's finally gone.

Hours later we lie together in the early morning light, we face each other, eyes closed, we both know the other is awake, neither of us can sleep after the nights events. The silence is so calming, we are perfect in the silence. Gentle warmth keeps us where we are, our foreheads pressed together, Gil gently strokes his hand over my side, perfect, until he speaks.

'Sara, the trial's in two weeks. Are you going to testify?' My eyes shoot open, the morning is no longer perfect.

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Okay new chapter up and running. I hope you like it. This will be the last one before Christmas but I may launch on boxing day if I can. I suppose the story may get a bit boring after the trial. I was going to take Sara and Grissom further and see how they can be together after Sara finds closure, what do you think? Do you want to read that? Please review.


	13. Chapter 13

On trial for life 

Title: On trial for life

Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX

Series: C.S.I

Rating: T

Genre: angst/comfort

Spoilers: none

Characters: Gil Grissom, Sara Sidle, Conrad Ecklie, Catherine Willows, Jim Brass, Nick Stokes, Greg Sanders, Warrick Brown.

Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer.

Summary: Ecklie's trial date has finally arrived, will Sara testify?

Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.

Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.

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_Sara's POV _

Testify? Jesus I don't know. I don't want to stand there in the dock and look him in the eye, I sure as hell don't want him to see me cry when I tell my story. Memories flash through my head that night at work, the rape, Grissom, something he said to me that night, something important.

_' You can stop him from hurting anyone else. You want to protect the world Sara, I know you do, so protect the world this way, for them Sara, for every other woman out there.'_

That first night, bleeding in my room, hurt, scared he wanted that name from me. For every other woman out there I said that name, now for every other woman out there I have to testify, not just for them for me as well. I look up at Gil a new determination filling me.

'Yeah Gil, I will. I'm going to testify.' He looks back at me, a new light in his eyes. He pulls me close to him and places a kiss to my forehead.

'That's my girl.' A week before Christmas and I have to prepare my piece for court, I'm not going to worry about that now, now I'm going to enjoy the feeling of Christmas with Gil, the love of my life.

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_Grissom's POV _

When she told me this morning that she was going to testify against Ecklie, I couldn't believe how brave she is. Now watching her wrapping Christmas presents I can't take my eyes off her. She looks so beautiful, no more blood shot eyes, no more bruises, her skin glowing healthy. I smile to myself, tinsel is draped around her shoulders and a piece of mistletoe in her hair, tucked behind her ear. She's happy, sitting on my floor cross legged, messing with paper and coloured ribbon. She looks up and catches me looking at her.

'What?' I smile warmly and go and sit beside her.

'Nothing. I love you.' She looks at me, a confused smile gracing her face.

'I love you too.' She kisses me gently, before placing another expertly wrapped package under the small Christmas tree.

'Gil, I want to start getting together my evidence for court. I want to make sure my story's straight.' I watch her warily, all the good work we've done together could be unravelled by this.

'Want some help?' I'd feel so disloyal to her if I didn't offer.

'Yeah Gil, thanks.' She leans a head on my shoulder and pulls out a pad of paper she'd been ticking off her Christmas presents on, and a pen. I put my arms around her waist and lean into her.

'Okay, where do we start.'

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TWO WEEKS LATER

JUDICIDAL COURT,

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA

_Catherine's POV_

Okay, I am so not ready for this. I can't shake the feeling that I've forgotten something or something is going to go badly wrong with my evidence. All the evidence I have is primary everything the prosecution is based upon. I hope Sara has it in her to testify, it'll make our case against the bastard so much stronger. Maybe now that she has Gil she will have the strength to do things she never would have before al this started, the one good thing to ever come form something so damn evil. The ultimate crime of possession. I pace the corridor outside the court room, I made sure to turn up early, nerves I guess. Gil and Sara will be here before anyone else.

'Hey Cath.' Dear God here they are, Jesus I'm so wrapped up in my own mind I didn't even hear them coming. I wring my hands nervously just out of there line of sight, I catch Gil glancing me over worriedly, this isn't right he should be worrying about me it should be about Sara. He looks over at Sara.

'Will you be okay on your own for a minute I need to talk to Cath for a second.' She nods, I walk quickly around the corner, I can't help but sneak a look at them, they stand talking, before leaning into each other for a kiss. Finally it's about time they got together. I whip around the corner just as Gil turns towards me. I hear his footsteps get closer to me and my anxiety increases.

'Hey, you gonna tell me what's wrong?' I turn around slowly to look at him, his right shoulder leaning against the wall his arms folded over his chest.

'I... it's nothing...it's just that.' I take a deep breath steadying myself.

'I guess I'm nervous is all. I just don't want to let Sara, and you down on this.' I run my hand over my eyes, pressure building up in my sinuses. I feel a hand on my shoulder, I look up at Grissom.

'It's okay I'm sure you'll do fine. We really appreciate all your doing for us.' I stare at him, trying to work out if he is as serious as he seems. When I finally decided to trust him like I should I reach up and hug him hard.

'Thanks Gil, it helps to know that.' We smile at each other before going back to Sara. We embrace each other all the words we want to say to each other pouring out without speaking a word. God I hope that I get everything right.

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_Warrick's POV _

God knows how many times I've been called to testify, but I've never been so nervous in my entire life. Sitting in the dock you can see everyone and they can see you. Griss, Sara, Cath, Nick, Greg, Brass... Ecklie.

'C.S.I Brown, we've already heard Mr Ecklie's confession of guilt and reviewed the footage from the interrogation that Ms Willows and Mr Stokes undertook approximately three months ago. We need some physical evidence to back up these claims. What have you got for us?' I look the pretty, young attorney, I bet she's only just graduated, couldn't wait to sink her teeth into something big.

'We've got a lot ma'am, fingerprint evidence, bite marks, matched DNA, hair and fibre, blood splatter, the works. There is no doubt that Mr Ecklie here brutally assaulted Miss Sidle.' She looks a me hard, a raw determination in her eyes, it would be such a boost for her to get Ecklie a lesser sentence, a definite life cut down to 10 years maybe. She wants that lesser sentence.

'Mr Brown your professional speciality would be audio and visual analysis. What are you going to know about any of this evidence?' I stare at her coldly, I badly want to yell at her, I catch Cath's eye she shakes her head ever so slightly at me, warning me not to go to far. I take a deep breath and answer the woman.

'Ma'am just because my speciality is audio and visual evidence doesn't mean that I haven't dealt with the rest of the evidence, but if you want to hear what the visual analysis tells me I'd be happy to tell you.' She stares me out waiting for me to snap, she waits a long time.

'Please continue Mr Brown.'

'As can be seen from the scene of crime photographs this rape was about violence. The disarray of the apartment, the amount of broken objects and the sheer amount of blood on the premises tells us that this rape was about as violent as it could get.' I open my mouth to speak, but am interrupted by the defence attorney.

'But Mr Brown this doesn't as of fact tell us that Mr Ecklie wasn't provoked in some way to commit this crime against Miss Sidle, now does it? Maybe as Mr Ecklie stated to Mr Stokes and Ms Willows that if in fact Mr Grissom had not exhibited his ability to perform his job a little better than Mr Ecklie, we would not be in this situation. Is that not the case? Does your visual analysis show in any form that Mr Ecklie was not provoked?' She looks at me victory already gleaming in her eyes. I'm sunk.

'No the visual evidence does not show that Mr Ecklie was provoked.'

'Would you consider it a credible theory that Mr Ecklie may have been provoked into suck an action based upon your visual analysis?

'Based solely upon the visual evidence alone I would say that it is a credible theory.' The words taste bitter in my mouth like I've let Sara down, I failed them. The defence attorney smiles sweetly at me before turning me over to Sara's attorney. A elderly man who obviously has been in the field for some years and is riddled with experience faces me. His wooded cane clicks ominously on the linoleum floor.

'Good morning Mr Brown, as we have heard you do indeed specialise in visual analysis. Could you tell me please what you think of this man here?' He points his cane at Ecklie. The defence attorney is on her feet so fast that you would have thought she'd sat on a tack or something.

'Objection your honour, my client is not here to be analysed by the C.S.I graveyard shift.'

'My apologies, withdrawn.' Sara's attorney, Mr... Harris smiles at me. I grin back, casting a weary eye over the defence, she seems to boil under my glare.

'Anyway Mr Brown, back to the scene of crime photos. Judging by the amount of violence and disarray what conclusion would you draw from this?'

'That the rape was about causing as much pain as possible, that Mr Ecklie had been thinking about it for a long time, pent up emotions surfaced during attack.'

'This may appear like a stupid question to you but do you believe that if Mr Ecklie had the chance he would have killed Miss Sidle?' I shudder at the thought.

'Yes, based on the evidence here, I don't think he would have hesitated to kill her.' Mr Harris gives me a small encouraging smile.

'No further questions.'

'Thank you Mr Brown you may step down.'

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_Nick's POV_

'Mr Stokes, you are a man with a good understanding of hair and fibre analysis. Would you care to tell us what you found upon examining Miss Sidle's apartment?' This woman's one tough cookie after watching her rip Warrick apart I knew I was in for a rough ride.

'Certainly Ma'am, during my investigation we found a good deal of strong hair and fibre evidence, upon a DNA analysis of these items we found that they matched Mr Ecklie perfectly.' She eyes me up, trying to see what else she can get out of me that will improve her case.

'Mr Ecklie's DNA was collected with consent or a warrant I presume?' I frown at her.

'Of course.' What the hell is she tryin' to say?

'Just making sure Mr Stokes, can't be too careful now can we?' She smiles at me, I don't return it.

'Would it be logical to suggest that Mr Ecklie's hair and fibres from his clothes may have been located at Miss Sidle's apartment under more innocent circumstances?'

'Yes, that would be a reasonable theory, but as Miss Sidle never invited Mr Ecklie into her apartment before it would be more logical to suggest that Mr Ecklie was there during the attack of Miss Sidle, we found...' She cute into my sentence stopping me dead.

'Thank you Mr Stokes, your witness Mr Harris.' I can't believe she just did that! M Harris takes his time standing up and getting to me.

'Mr Stokes would you like to finish what you were just saying there?'

'Thank you Sir. We found no other hair or fibre which is to be expected as Miss Sidle lives alone.'

'Are you saying Mr Stokes that the only hair and fibre evidence came from Miss Sidle and her attacker.'

'That is correct Sir.'

'For your benefit ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the other hair and fibre evidence apart from Miss Sidle was that of Mr Ecklie, putting him in the place of our attacker. I think this says to all of us that Mr Ecklie's confession is that of fact.' Mr Harris turns back to me.

'Mr Stokes upon reviewing the evidence taken from Miss Sidle during her post attack exam, what did you find?'

'The scrapings taken from under her nails consisted of Mr Ecklie's DNA and a small amount of hair.'

'What conclusions did you draw from this?'

'That Miss Sidle put up a fight against her attacker, she struggled with him, as it has been established that Mr Ecklie did succeed in raping her, it is undeniable that he used an extraordinary amount of force to hold her down, this at least showing malicious intent.'

'Mr Stokes, I would like to steer us away from the hair and fibre evidence. In your professional opinion do you believe that Mr Grissom, for lack of a better way to put it, rubbed Mr Ecklie's face in the fact that he could do his job better than he could?'

'No way. Mr Grissom is in no way a man that would lower himself to those standards, he is admired for his professionalism.' I catch Grissom's eye, he smiles at me, nodding his thanks. I smile back.

'I also have studied this tape of the interrogation yourself and Ms Willows undertook some months back. There is a mention of a woman named, Claire Edmunds. I believe that she was Mr Ecklie's first victim. He was going to be fired for this. Do we have Miss Edmunds available to testify?' I swallow God I was hoping this wouldn't come up.

'No Sir, Miss Edmunds was found dead in her home a week ago. It was ruled a suicide, it appears that she could no longer live with the memory of her rape. I have a copy of the suicide note along with all the evidence taken when she pressed charges, We have proved that Mr Ecklie did indeed rape Miss Edmunds also.'

'Thank you Mr Stokes, no further questions.'

' You may step down Mr Stokes.'

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_Catherine's POV _

'Ms Willows you were leading this investigation is that correct?' God I already hate her guts.

'That is correct yes.'

'How did you find the conduct of your C.S.I's during the duration of the investigation?'

'Impeccable.' I smile sourly at her, she returns it.

'I'm sure. The blood evidence that we see here, could the splatter be caused by anything else?'

'It could be explained by an accidental cut but that is highly unlikely it is more believable to say...'

'So in fact Miss Sidle may have cut herself and caused the blood splatter without Mr Ecklie causing her injury?'

'It's possible but highly un..'

'Thank you Ms Willows, your witness.' If I could jut get hold her.

'Ms Willows due to the disgusting manners of some you could not finish your sentence, please finish for us.'

'Thank you. It is highly unlikely that Miss Sidle did this to herself, also if this is the case how do you explain the other injuries and the undeniable DNA evidence that Mr Ecklie was there? Is it being suggested that Mr Ecklie allowed Miss Sidle to bleed all over her own apartment and then made it look as if he did it himself?' I'm getting angrier by the second, Mr Harris watches me, I catch Gil's eye his look tells me plain and simple to calm down.

'Ms Willows, the blood splatter on the wall around the bed where it has been claimed that Miss Sidle suffered blows from Mr Ecklie would you say that they were consistent with considerable force applied to the body?'

'Absolutely, a classic example.'

'Ms Willows as you see Mr Ecklie and Mr Grissom every day would you believe that Mr Ecklie was provoked into such action?'

'No, never, if someone told me that Mr Grissom had been provoking Mr Ecklie I would tell them that they were crazy.'

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_Grissom's POV _

I watch Sara take the stand, her hands are shaking, I want to walk up to her and take her hands in mine and tell her that everything is going to be okay.

'Good morning Miss Sidle, now we've heard everyone else's side of thing we need to hear it from your own mouth.' If that vile woman says a word to upset her I won't be held responsible for my actions. Sara tells her story, relieving the hours in her mind. She catches my eye on more than one occasion, I smile at her encouragingly. When she finishes the defence doesn't want to question her, I dare her to try and say a word to her. Mr Harris steps forward.

'Miss Sidle, Im truly sorry for what has happened to you and I won't keep you much longer, just one question, so that we've covered all bases. Did you ever in your memory say anything at all to provoke Mr Ecklie here?'

'No Sir never. I, nor Mr Grissom said anything to provoke him in any way shape or form. I was frightened for my life, I never said a bad word to him, I was terrified and abused in my on home for a personal cause of his.' Mr Harris smiles gently at Sara and discreetly passes her a tissue.

'Thank you Miss Sidle you may step down.' Sara exits the stand and walks back to me. To everyone else she appears to be walking normally, she moving slightly to fast, looking desperate. She slides in next to me and I slip my arm around her shoulders, the other around her waist, I whisper soothing words into her ear. I can feel eyes on me, I don't care. I look over at Ecklie and catch his eye, he smiles at me, damn I hope they kill him.

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_Greg's POV _

Poor Sara, dear God I never heard her story in full until now. Bastard, bastard. The jury just left to decide on his sentence, it better damn well be life and nothing less. As for hurting Claire, damn him, she was a sweet girl. I gotta remember to put some flowers on her grave. God bless her soul.

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_Brass' POV _

Thank God that's over, at least Sara never has to talk about her rape again if she doesn't want to. We've been waiting for the verdict for hours now, about ten minutes ago we all got called back in to hear the verdict. The jury troops back in looking decidedly ruffled and tired. Ecklie is told to rise to hear his sentence, the county Judge regards him coldly.

'Mr Ecklie you have acted selfishly and in a way that horrifies everyone present there is no excuse for such behaviour in civilised society. If it where my choice a life sentence would be given to you. As it is I cannot give you a sentence but our jury has reached a suitable verdict. Conrad Ecklie in light of the evidence presented to us today and based on the excellent opinion of the jury you are sentenced to...

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Okay here you go new chapter, sorry it took so long Christmas held me off for a bit. I know it's long and I hope you didn't get bored with it. I still can't decide what verdict to give him tell me what you want Ecklie to get and the majority vote will be what he gets. Please review!!


	14. Chapter 14

A new day 

Title: A new day

Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX

Series: C.S.I

Rating: T

Genre: angst/comfort

Spoilers: none

Characters: Gil Grissom, Sara Sidle

Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer.

Summary: After the verdict is given everyone heads home, a new level is reached in Gil and Sara's relationship.

Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.

Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.

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The light pooling form the street lamps rushed past the SUV windows as Grissom drove Sara and himself home. It was after nine in the evening, after the verdict was given everyone had one back to Warrick's to talk it over. Sara had been quiet. As Grissom stopped for a red light he glanced over at her. She sat with her head against the window, hands in her lap, thinking. Grissom reached over and grasped her hand in his, she looks over at him and smiles, gripping his hand back. Grissom drives on, her hand still encased in his.

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_Grissom's POV _

I follow Sara into my apartment and drop my keys onto the living room table. Sara moves into the kitchen to make us a coffee. I kick off my shoes and put both our pairs by the door and hang up our jackets. I love the way we work in such perfect unison together. I sit on the couch heavily as Sara place two steaming mugs on the table in front of me, before seating herself next to me. I wrap an arm around her shoulders as she snuggles into me. She holds my hand gently.

'You okay?' I ask her quietly. She sighs contentedly into my chest, her breath warm on my skin.

'All the better for being home with you.' I love it when she calls my house home. She reaches for her coffee, I watch as her hair falls from her shoulder, exposing the skin of her shoulders and neck. She takes a long sip and settles back again. She turns to look at me, her eyes deep and almost black in the half light the table lamp gives. I can feel myself drowning in them. I elan down and kiss her softly, she returns it. I pull back slowly and study her face, her reaction. Her hand creeps up my back to settle on the back of my neck, I shiver into her touch. She pulls me back onto her lips, giving my the answer I sought after in her face. My tongue runs over her lips begging access to her mouth, which she grants me. Heat floods over me as she tilts her head, deepening the kiss. Her hand strokes my back, mine capturing her hips, pulling her even closer. My tongue runs over hers, my fingers rubbing soft circles in the exposed flesh of her sides. She moans into my mouth, I pull my mouth from hers and place, gentle kisses along her jaw line, and down her throat. She throws her head back with a sharp intake of breath. I take my mouth gently from her burning skin to remove both our shirts. She kisses my newly exposed flesh, making my chest heave with anticipation. I fall back onto the couch, lying full length on it. Sara straddles my hips. I reach up and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, she shakes under my touch.

'Honey, are you sure you want this?' The dozen of other rape victims I have come into contact with over the years rush across my mind. Scared to death of being touched let alone having full on sex. Sara catches my eyes and nods.

'I'm sure, I need this Gil. I need you.' Her voice is husky and deep, she leas in close once again.

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_Sara's POV _

Early morning sunlight streamed into our room, illuminating Gil's face in the dim light. I prop myself up onto my elbow and watch him sleep. A smile plays across my face, I never cease to be amazed at how happy I am now. He's finally gone, gone for good. The memories buzz through my head.

_'Conrad Ecklie your behaviour towards Ms Sidle was uncalled for and frankly disgusting. The jury sentences you o 20 years imprisonment for rape and causing grievous bodily harm, without the privilege of parole.' _

20 years of peace, 20 years of no fear. Everyone else doesn't think it's enough. To me it's a blessing I could only pray for, finally I am safe. Gil wakes slowly and turns to me, kissing me gently and slowly, I savour the moment. I can't belive how wonderful everything is now.

'We'd better get up honey, get everything ready for lunch.' Damn I forgot everyone was coming round to lunch to celebrate Ecklie's sentencing. I jump out of bed kissing Gil quickly on the lips and bolt for the bathroom, I know how much he wants it first.

'Hey!' He comes running down the corridor after me, I speed up but I'm to slow for him, he catches me around the middle, lifting me clean off the floor, I squeal like a school girl in delight. He laughs at me putting me down right outside the bathroom door, before dodging round me to shield himself with the door, he sticks he tongue out at me before shutting me out. I pound on the wood, laughing so hard I can hardly speak.

'Your in for it when you get your ass out of there!' The water turns on and Gil's muffled voice reaches me through the door.

'That's what I was counting on!' I laugh out loud at him and make my way down the hall to get some breakfast.

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Three hours later.

'God damn it Gil you get your ass out of that bedroom now or I'm coming in there, they'll be here any minute!'

'I'm coming, I'm coming!' He emerges from his sanctuary, I never seen him look so smart in his life.

'You look gorgeous darling.' I reach up and kiss his cheek. I turn back to the kitchen and catch him getting an appreciative eyeful before turning to the dining table to straighten the cloth. The door bell rings, Gil practically runs to answer it, I can't help but laugh at him. He throws me a dirty look before opening the door to our friends.

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_Grissom's POV _

I'm so nervous, I think my heart might just stop. After all the meticulous planning I've done I can't mess this up now. I check the little box that I clutch in my hand, making sure it hasn't materialised in the last two seconds. I watch Sara from the kitchen, her beautiful laugh lighting up the room. It's now or never. Everyone's watching, I feel the colour creep into my cheeks, I kneel before her offering myself to her. Looking into her eyes my embarrassment fades and all I can see is her.

'Sara, would you do me the honour of being my wife?'

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Hi there everyone! I'm so sorry that this took so long to update but I just had some personal problems that had to come first. Please review, sorry about the spelling if it's as bad as last time!


	15. Chapter 15

Proposal 

Title: Proposal

Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX

Series: C.S.I

Rating: T

Genre: angst/comfort

Spoilers: none

Characters: Gil Grissom, Sara Sidle, Catherine Willows

Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer.

Summary: Gil proposed to Sara what is her answer? Finally Sara has what she wants out of life.

Dedications: Everyone who's read anything I've done over the years and gave their constructive criticism.

Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.

Note: The song used is Christian Agularia's Too Beautiful for Words. Also I'm really sorry that this chapter took so long to upload, I've got GCSE exams in 5 months (the real thing!) and revision is taking up a lot of my time. Also it's been such along chapter and I really wanted this t be a good chapter as it's such a land mark in these characters lives. Thanks for being so patient.

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_Grissom's POV _

I watch her, butterflies playing inside my stomach. Gentle tears glaze her eyes and she takes my hand in hers. I almost don't hear her answer, she whispers it so quietly.

'Yes, of course I will.' A smile ghosts over her face, shining radiance into my home, into my life. I sweep her off the couch into my arms, spinning the both of us around and around until I'm too dizzy to spin anymore. I kiss her forehead and slip on the delicate gold band.

'I know it's simple, I just thought..' She silences me, placing her fingers gently on my lips.

'Gil, it's perfect.' She gazes down at her hand, tears make their way slowly down her face, contrasting with her growing smile. I brush the tears away and sit on the couch watching our friends congratulate and hug her. Nick, Greg, Jim and Warrick all make a fuss off her, Cath comes and sits next to me.

'I'm so happy for you Gil, you suite each other.' I turn to her, she stares out at Sara and the guys her eyes lingering on Warrick.

'You know I wish I was like you, I wish I had someone.' Warrick looks over at Cath, watching her with concerned eyes, eyes that if I'm not mistaken display love in their depths. Cath sighs and looks away from him to face me. I smile at her gently, I take her hand in mine, and squeeze it gently in support. Sara bounds over to me looking like she might burst with happiness, I can't help but grin at her ecstatic expression. Cath gets up and hugs her tightly before taking her hand to admire the ring.

'Good choice Gil, it's beautiful.' Sara sits next to me and I drape an arm over her shoulders. We watch as Cath goes to stand next to Warrick, they talk to each other for a moment before Warrick leads her out.

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_Sara's POV_

I roll over to face Gil, he watches me in the dark, his eyes gentle in the soft light. He places a light kiss to my forehead, I smile at his gesture. My new fiancee, I can't believe it, it's so surreal I might be forgiven for believing it's all a dream. Tomorrow Cath is going to bring over some wedding catalogues, there is so much to fit in to so little time and I only have two weeks of leave left before I return to work. Gil's fallen back to sleep his breath gentle on my forehead, warming me through. There is no where in the world I'd rather be.

7 HOURS LATER

'Come on Gil get up Cath and Lindsey will be here any second, you're not even dressed yet!' I shout at Gil form the bathroom, tugging a brush through my hair, scowling at the dismal results that are reflected back to me from the large wall mirror. I hear Gil mumbling to himself about women and early mornings, I walk down the hall and lean on the door post, he looks up at me, a slight frown on his face as he tries desperately to focus in the early morning light.

'Hey handsome.' I try desperately hard not to laugh at his dishevelled appearance. He looks at me darkly, and glances at the clock on the bedside table, his jaw drops.

'Sara! it's Saturday and your getting a 52 year old man up at nine in the morning.' He throws a wounded look in my direction. I laugh openly at him and walk over to him and sit on the bed. He looks up at me.

'Aww poor baby. I almost feel sorry for you.' He looks expectantly at me, hope filling his woeful eyes.

'So if I play your pity right, you'll let me lie in a little longer?' I lean down and kiss him quickly on the lips, and get up before he can make a grab for me.

'Nope.' I throw him his pants, he catches them clumsily, tossing them to the end of the bed, burying his face into the pillow groaning and pulling the comforter tighter around his body. So he's going to be stubborn is he? I reach over for the comforter and pull as hard as I can. I almost get it, he catches on and pulls back just as hard.

'Hey! Who's comforter and bed is this?!' I laugh hard and tug at the comforter again.

'You invited me!' He pulls back so hard I tumble into the bed and onto his chest, shrieking with laughter. I feel his arms tighten around me over the comforter that somehow managed to get tangled around us. The doorbell rings shrilly at us, demanding attention. Gil in his momentary surprise loosens his hold on the comforter, I seize my chance and grab it rolling out of bed, and run for all I'm worth with his only source of warmth. I stop in the doorway and turn to face him, sticking out my tongue at him.

'Get up okay honey.' His expression darkens as he grabs for his pants. I blow him a kiss and laughing hard I go to answer the door.

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_Grissom's POV _

When I emerge from the safe sanctuary of my room, I am faced with the most beautiful sight I've ever witnessed. My **fiancee **is choosing wedding dresses for **our wedding. **Funny though I never thought I'd want any of this, the domestic scene, but I'm enjoying it, I love have someone else around, listening to the sounds of another person existing in the same house as me, sharing my personal space. I turn to the kitchen and make myself a cup of coffee which I nearly drop when the girl's shrieks reaches my ears, I turn around quickly, anxiety filling me. I am greeted by ecstatic smiles. Cath is laughing as Lindsey parades around my living room waving one of the many catalogues around in the air, Sara runs over to me.

'Gil we found the perfect dress! Look, it's so gorgeous!.' She takes my hand on pulls me over to the sofa, she releases my hand to wrestle Lindsey for the catalogue. She rushes back over to me triumphantly holding the catalogue high out of Lindsey's reach and pushing it into my hands. She stabs at the picture of a beautiful, crisp plain white dress, with a wrap around, close fit style waist, beaded satin bodice and a long flowing train. It was perfect, I could just see Sara in it. I sneaked a look at the price tag, $3,000, the number rolls around my head, how much was too much to spend on a wedding dress? I look up at Sara, she reminds me of a child that desperately wants that new toy in the shop, begging me with her eyes for it.

'Anything you want Sara. it's your day honey.' I kiss her gently as she squeals in delight. Her hands entwine in my hair as she pulls back.

'It's OUR day baby.' I smile at her and kiss her again. We break apart as Lindsey expresses her disgust at our embrace.

'Ewww man that's so gross! Mom don't you dare ever get a boyfriend!' The room explodes in laughter. It's so good to feel Sara laugh in my arms.

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_Sara's POV _

JANUARY 30TH 2007

Nerves fill me up, Cath helps fit me into my dress with the help of my cousin Lily and best friend Lauren. The tight strings of the corset like fitting tighten around my chest making me feel slimmer and more feminine than I ever have before with my life. I have three bridesmaids, Cath, Lindsey and Lily, Lauren had to be the maid of honour. I couldn't resist but have my little five year old niece as flower girl. I always said I would never over do the cute on my wedding day but now it's here I want everything I can possible pack in. Lauren fixes my curls with spray and delicately entwine little white roses and lavender down the sides. Lindsey paints my face with makeup, Cath assures me she's the best. I glance nervously in the mirror, it looks fantastic not too over done, so far. Lindsey taps my nose with the eye pencil.

'Hey no peeking I'm not done yet.' Like a five year old that's been caught with it's hand in the cookie jar I look anywhere but the mirror guiltily. I look on in rapture as my friends and family giggle and do each other's hair and makeup. Lauren finishes my hair and signals to Lindsey to finish. Lindsey puts the finishing touches to my makeup before ushering everyone away from the large full length mirror we got specifically for this occasion. Everyone watches me as I make my way towards the mirror making me feel even more self conscious than I already am. I step in front of the mirror and I can't believe it, I can't believe it's me. I look, beautiful. My eyes fill with tears. Lauren comes up behind me and wraps an arm around my shoulders.

'Hey girl no tears, you'll smudge you're make up.' Cath puts a tissue into my hands and I dab at my eyes. The car arrives and toots it horn loudly.

'Oh God he's here already!' Lily exclaims, and rushes over to the flowers and quickly arranges them more to her satisfaction. The room explodes in movement and last minute panic. We grab up everything we can manage and check ourselves in the mirror as we rush past, down the stairs and into the waiting car. Cath and Lily hold my train well out of the way of the sidewalk. We clamber all arms and legs into the back of a gorgeous white limo with gold ribbon framing the front. We speed through Las Vegas, down the strip and pull up at a period Catholic church. Gil insisted upon a Catholic service, after Jim got shot he started praying again. I step out into the soft glow of the late January sunshine, a chill breeze blows, ruffling my hair and trying pathetically to whip up my skirt. I don't feel it, my head is buzzing with the adrenaline of just standing in the shadow of the awesome church, waiting to marry the man I've sought after for years. Lauren grabs my hand and squeezes it gently as the music plays from inside the massive oak doors. We decided not to have the boring old wedding march, we settled on a piece by a foreign composer that Gil has had rotting away in his CD collection for years. It was playing the first night I stayed at his place. The Priest emerges from the bright interior of the church and waves us to him. We form a line in front of him, my niece, me, Lauren and Lily and Cath and Lindsey. My head is rushing, like just before you sit down on **that **roller coaster you've been secretly hoping that your best mate wouldn't notice and make you ride on. That excited scared feeling. The Priest asks everyone to stand, he smiles and gives me a thumbs up, before we set off down the isle.

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_Grissom's POV _

Nerves settled in long ago. Maybe because I'm back in church again, maybe because I want to be the best I can for Sara. I crane my neck to see her as the procession marches forward towards me. All I can see is the Priest, beaming at me, his Bible clasped in his hands like a bouquet. He moves past me and I can finally see my soon to be bride. She comes to a stop in front of me and my jaw drops. Beautiful isn't the word, as a matter of fact I don't think a word exists that could describe how utterly amazing she looks. We both turn towards the Priest, Sara whispers to me.

'I take it that the stunned, jaw a mile long expression is a good sign?' I glance over at her and smile widely.

'Something like that yeah.' She beams at me, and turns her head back towards the Priest who has since begun welcoming the congregation. Now we can start again, together, I feel for Sara's hand and grasp it tightly in my grip. Finally we're happy together.

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_Catherine's POV_

THE RECEPTION

It was such a beautiful wedding. I can't believe they've actually done it, after all the pain and suffering and waiting they have both been through. It's getting late and I suppose that I better get Lindsey home, she fell asleep about an hour ago, still I don't want to leave, maybe... maybe he will ask me to dance. The track changes and a new song comes on.

_When I try to describe  
How I feel when you hold me  
I get butterflies  
I hear lullabies  
It's hard to explain_

Like the scent of a rose  
Or the sound of the rain  
Is too precious and too wonderful  
To give it a name

I look over at Griss and Sara wrapped deep in each others arms, and I look at Warrick, he hasn't moved all night, the same spot for hours now. As I watch the couples move across the floor, I want that to be me. After Eddie I promised myself, never again. I thought it was the best for me and Lindsey, I don't no maybe she needs a father figure and I sure as hell could do with a little bit of what Griss and Sara have now. Warrick catches my eye. Neither of us move away or towards each other.

_Too beautiful for words  
A symphony inside me  
Too beautiful for words  
I can not take them lightly  
Can you hear my silent heart_

It's on the tip of my tongue  
But my lips are still sealed  
Only violins  
And then innocence  
Can show you how I feel  


I stroke Lindsey's hair as she sleeps, she would kill me if she knew. My little girl grew up so long ago now and it almost feels as if I've been left behind, no longer the biggest part of her life. Yeah sure we're still close but not like it used to be. I look back up as a shadow falls across me, and I am faced with Warrick.

_And I hear them again  
At the end of the day  
I'm all teary eyed  
When we kissed goodbye  
There's nothing I can say_

Too beautiful for words  
A symphony inside me  
Too beautiful for words, oh  
I can not take them lightly  
_Can you hear my silent heart_

He takes my hand and pulls me up, I think about protesting, Lindsey needs me there. I look back down at my teenage daughter and realise that she doesn't need me as much as she used to. Now is for me, for once it's all for me. We join Griss and Sara on the floor and move amongst the bodies.

_Must be a million times  
I tried to express this love of mine  
When it goes this deep  
When it tastes this sweet  
It's not easy to define, ohh_

Too beautiful for words (too beautiful)  
A symphony inside me (a symphony inside of me)  
Too beautiful for words (for words)  
I can not take them lightly

I lay my head on his shoulder. I feel the warmth of his skin under the shirt, I can't remember the last time I was this close to a man. My arms around his back, and his around mine pull us close to each other. I need this, I need him and I guess before I even realised it I fell for him in a big way.

_Too beautiful for words (too beautiful ohh)  
A symphony inside me (a symphony, oh)  
Too beautiful for words (ohh, too beautiful baby)  
I can not take them lightly  
Can you hear my silent heart_

Ohh yeah, yeah, oooh...

As the song ends and we pull apart, I look down at our joined hands. His wedding band is gone. I look up at him and catch him watching me. I open my mouth to speak, he places his finger tips gently across my lips.

'She left me. Two months ago.' His eyes swim gently with tears, sparkling in the dim light of the hall. I clasp his hand in mine.

'Let's get out of here. I want to go home.' He nods at me, understanding. We move to Lindsey and wake her. I won't be alone, not tonight.

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Grissom's POV

A YEAR LATER

A whole year, one gorgeous year, with one gorgeous wife. Dinner is finished the dirty dishes stacked forgotten in the sink. Anniversaries, the best thing after marriage. I recline back on the couch and think about the last year, how we got there, together. There could be nothing better than this, surely. I hear footsteps hurrying towards me. I sit up a little, whatever it is it has to be important. Sara appears in the doorway, her face is flushed, tinted pink, an unreadable expression on her face. I stand and walk over to her and take hold of her upper arms.

'Sara? What is it honey?' She looks up at me, that expression still stuck there.

'There's something you should know.'

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Once again apologise on the late arrival. I'm estimating one more chapter and this story will be finished and I will move on to pastures new, I will write more C.S.I. I hope you enjoyed this new chapter please review!!


	16. Chapter 16

Dreams Can Come True 

Title: Dreams Can Come True

Author: MYBIGBLUEBOX

Series: C.S.I

Rating: T

Genre: angst/comfort

Spoilers: none

Characters: Gil Grissom, Sara Sidle

Disclaimer: God knows how many times you've all read these disclaimers but I'm going to say it all again just coz. I don't own these characters they are all property of channel 5, CBS productions and the writer.

Summary: Sara has some big new for Gil.

**Dedications: To everyone who has reviewed this story through out it's course. Thank you so much you guys!**

Warnings: very violent and a strong reference to rape. Bad language and despair. Explores the feelings of rape victims so please mind the rating, if you are affected by any of these subjects.

Note: The song used is Gabrielle's Dreams. Also if you don't remember Alice see chapter 5.

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_Grissom's POV _

_They can come true, yeah  
They can come true _

I hold her hand as her name is called. I smell the harsh disinfectant in the air, I hate hospitals. She got so much worse last week, I'm frightened for her. The scan shows us nothing out of ordinary, there's out baby perfect, beautiful. I squeeze Sara's hand, she gives me a small smile. The nurse glances at the screen, I watch in dismay as her face contorts into a frown. Oh God, please, please there can't be anything wrong. She looks up at me, an unreadable expression across her face.

'Mr Grissom, are you in a very stable financial situation?' I stare at her dumbfounded, what has that got to do with anything?

'Yes, we're both on a steady income. When Sara goes on maternity leave she'll receive pay.' Sara glances over at me, worry etched into her face. The nurse smiles at us.

'Mr and Mrs Grissom, they may be a bit of a shock okay so I'm going to ask you to try and remain calm. Your expecting twins.' Our mouths fall open. Twins? I glance over at Sara, her hand covers her mouth. Doesn't she want this? She looks over at me.

'Oh Gil. Two babies, two babies!' She almost laughs out the words. I lean over and press a gentle kiss to her lips.

'The extra stress of another child is putting more pressure on your body and causing the extreme nausea your experiencing.' Sara glances over at her.

'But that's normal right?' The nurse gives her a reassuring smile.

'Perfectly, I have no doubt that in six months you'll have two healthy babies. Would you like to know the sex?'

'No, thank you.' We'd already talked about it, it's better as a surprise, what ever we get will be perfect.

The exam finishes and we leave the hospital, we walk home in the half light of the early December evening. Taking the night off work was probably the most sensible thing I've ever done, twins.

_Move a step closer  
You know that I want you  
I can tell by your eyes  
That you want me too  
Just a question of time  
I knew we'd be together  
And that you'd be mine  
I want you here forever _

I make us a coffee when we get in, Sara moves to the fridge and tapes the scan of our children onto the door. I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her. Her tummy is already slightly larger than usual. Sara runs a finger of the heads of our babies and leans back to place her head on my shoulder.

'We've got to think of some more names now.' I nuzzle her neck in reply. We drink our coffee and settle together on the sofa, Sara idly flicks through baby name books, and I wonder how I ever got so lucky.

_  
Do you hear what I'm saying  
Gotta say how I feel  
I can't believe you're here  
But I know that you're real  
I know what I want   
And baby it's you  
I can't deny my feelings  
Because they are true yeah _

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_Sara's POV _

5 1/2 MONTHS LATER

I cannot believe how big I've got, how much room do they need in there? I finally took maternity leave last week. Gil has been pestering me for ages, he says eight and a half months along is way too close to the due date to be working. The case I was working was big for me, a rape. I knew I'd get one sooner or later, I begged Gil to let me have it, he only gave it to me when I said I wanted him to work with me. After a never ending stream of sleepless nights and frustrated tears we cracked the case and I could finally go home and just be a mom to be. I lay across the couch a hand resting on my stretched, swollen tummy. Soon I'll be able to hold my babies in my arms, I can't wait, I pull myself up with difficulty and move into what used to be the spare room. Two cots greet me, the walls painted a dim yellow, mobiles hang over the cribs. I lean on the doorframe and imagine my babies sleeping in the cribs, the walls covered in pictures of the four of us together.

_Dreams can come true  
Look at me babe I'm with you  
You know you gotta have hope  
You know you've got to be strong  
Dreams can come true  
Look at me babe I'm with you  
You know you gotta have hope  
You know you've got to be strong _

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_Grissom's POV _

THREE WEEKS LATER

I'm woken from my dreams by a harsh gasp in my ear. I sit bolt upright and reach for my wife.

'Gil?' Her voice is strained, oh God maybe this is it.

'Gil, their coming' Panic and excitement rush through me, I freeze suddenly forgetting everything that I'm supposed to do. Sara squeezes my hand hard and gasps again in pain, bringing me out of my comatose state.

'Alright honey, take it easy okay. I'll get your bag ready and we'll get to the hospital, okay?' Sara can only nod in reply as another contraction rocks her. I grab as much stuff as I can in my panic, I sling the backpack over my shoulder and gently, slowly help Sara to her feet. The walk to the Tahoe is long and laborious, I help her into her seat and clamber in beside her. As I speed towards the nearest hospital I can't believe this is happening, my wife is about to give birth to my children.

_I've seen you sometimes  
On your own and in crowds  
I knew I had to have you  
My hopes didn't let me down  
Now you're by my side   
And I feel so good  
I've nothing to hide  
Don't feel that I ever could _

10 HOURS LATER

Her eyes dilate with every contraction so close together now. As each one washes over her I see each muscle tense and beads of sweat fall down her head. She doesn't want anything for the pain, I smile down on her admiringly, pride swimming through me. Her hand clasps mine tightly and I remember the first night I slept in the same bed as her, after the rape, holding tight to her hand. She groans deep in her throat and shifts forward on the bed. The midwife approaches us, checking everything over, she says Sara's doing fine and moves back to settle into a chair. Everything is so slow, peaceful, I never imagined it would be like this, I never imagined this moment would be mine.

1 HOUR LATER

She's fully dilated, tears of pain flow steadily down her face. She moans deep, the midwife has left her chair and comes to stand beside me. A particularly strong contraction sweeps over her, she panics, her breathing hard and fast. The midwife speaks to her slowly, gently.

'Sara... breathe Sara... slow... in...out... good girl, your babies will be here soon, in your arms.' I find comfort in her words, Sara relaxes back breathing in, out, in and out. A deep shiver runs up her spine, my hand on her forehead feels heat run over her. I lean down and whisper in her ear.

'Your so beautiful.' The midwife positions herself in front of Sara.

_  
Do you hear what I'm saying  
Gotta say how I feel  
I can't believe you're here  
But I know that you're real  
I know what I want   
And baby it's you  
Can't deny my feelings  
Because they are true yeah _

'Okay Sara, your babies are ready, on your next contraction I want you to push for me okay honey.' Sara nods and strangled cry vibrates in her throat. Her heads falls into the cradle of my neck as I lean in behind her, head moving against my skin slick with sweat. My arm snakes around her shoulders, my hand feeling her hard, tight belly, the other still encased in hers. I feel the next contraction under my fingers, she pushes hard, groaning and whining in pain. The midwife looks up at us.

'I saw a little of the head that time, about two more should have us our first baby.'

_Dreams can come true  
Look at me babe I'm with you  
You know you gotta have hope  
You know you've got to be strong  
Dreams can come true  
Look at me babe I'm with you  
You know you gotta have hope  
You know you've got to be strong _

Yet another contraction moves through her, she cries out, straining, pushing out our babies. She pants hard and deep. With one more frantic push she gives birth to our first child. Another young midwife appeared in the confusion and takes our child from the midwife and towels the infant dry. I turn my attention back to Sara, still in the throws of labour. She looks up at me and smiles wide, I lean down to hear her voice.

'One more Gil, baby.' She cries out again as another contraction comes and goes, I hold her steady in my arms. I hear the midwife.

'One more push Sara... one more.. I can see your baby... come on honey one last time... push your baby out now.' She pushes hard, crying, whining deep in her throat, as the little body stretches her she cries out one final time. Another shrill cry fills the air to match Sara and the baby's sibling. Sara rests against me, gasping. I crane to see my children. As they are passed to us, a girl and a boy, my eyes wet with tears. We sit together cradling our love and joy in our arms, tears falling. Our children at last here with us, at last.

_I'm not making plans for tomorrow  
Let's live for tonight  
I know I want you baby  
So hold me so tight  
Put your arms around me   
You make me feel so safe  
Then you whisper in my ear  
That you're here to stay _

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_Sara's POV _

'Gil' My voice sounds so small, serene, new. He looks up from our children.

'Yeah honey?'

'I was thinkin' I want to call our little girl Alice, after your sister.' I stare at her, she'd do that for me? I stand and take her in my arms, she sighs against me, I kiss the top of her head.

'Thank you.'

_  
Dreams can come true  
Look at me babe I'm with you  
You know you gotta have hope  
You know you've got to be strong  
Dreams can come true  
Look at me babe I'm with you  
You know you gotta have hope  
You know you've got to be strong _

2 YEARS LATER

Our beautiful babes run around the apartment, their Daddy chasing them with a towel, bath time is always the best. Alice runs past me into the kitchen shrieking with delight, Nick clambers onto my lap and snuggles into my arms, reminding me of another man I know. We decided to name our little boy after Nick as we could only really stretch to three Godfathers, Warrick, Greg and Jim. Maybe three was too many but we have to make sure our babies have all the support they need, Catherine and Lindsey are Godmothers, much to their delight and take our kids out every Sunday for ice cream in the park near the lab. Gil stops near me to catch his breath. I look up at him.

'Your still one child short darling.' He throws me a dirty look, before marching into the kitchen, after a sires of squeals and muffled gasp of breath my husband emerges triumphant holding my child aloof like a trophy. I pass Nick to him, twins bathing together I laugh at the man that agreed to take on the task over unloading the dishwasher, easier my ass. I kiss him on the cheek and whisper in his ear:

'Have fun baby.' Earning myself another evil glare in my direction. I snuggle up on the couch and listen to the sounds of my family exist around me. I can't believe how lucky I am to have the love and support I do. To have the greatest blessing, a family of my own. Gil brings Alice and Nick out to kiss me goodnight, I whisper that I love them so much and allow my husband to take them away to bed. I lean over to the coffee table and pick up a picture of my family at the lab surrounded by the team, I'm in there surrounded by friends and family the way I always wanted my life to be. My husband slides down next to me on the couch and pulls me to him.

'What are you thinking?' I look up into his eyes, brown meets blue.

'That dreams really can come true.' We smile at each other and kiss lightly. Gil pulls me to my feet and takes me off to bed. I snuggle into his side, he places a kiss on my hair.

'I can't believe how far we've come since the first night you shared my bed.'

'I know, I love what we've done with our lives. Do you remember that you promised to stay with me?' I detach my head from his shoulder to make eye contact with him.

'Did you plan on making that a promise for life?' He keeps contact, honesty and love shining in his eyes.

'For life and beyond, forever honey.' I smile wide and settle back into his arms, ready to sleep, just like that first night. Except, this time life is so much better, this time my dreams have all come true.

_Dreams can come true  
Look at me babe I'm with you  
You know you gotta have hope  
You know you've got to be strong  
Dreams can come true  
Look at me babe I'm with you  
You know you gotta have hope  
You know you've got to be strong  
Dreams can come true   
Look at me babe I'm with you  
You know you gotta have hope   
You know you've got to be strong  
Dreams can come true _

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Okay here you go, the end to my episode long saga. What do you think of my finale? Review me and let me know. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed this piece, this story would be nothing without, thank you so much for your criticism and support.


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